He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation - eBook  -     By: Willard F. Harley Jr.
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He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation - eBook

Revell / 2013 / ePub

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Product Information

Format: DRM Protected ePub
Vendor: Revell
Publication Date: 2013
ISBN: 9781441244918
ISBN-13: 9781441244918

Publisher's Description

When you get married, you expect your relationship to be a partnership in which you make decisions and face the world together, united. But often a husband's perspective and a wife's perspective on the same issue can be very different and unity in decision making can be tough. Should spouses take turns getting their way? Should they compromise? Can they avoid making decisions altogether? Dr. Harley says there's a better way--a way in which both partners get what they want and believe is best every time.

In He Wins, She Wins, Dr. Harley introduces the revolutionary concept of joint agreement in marriage that keeps both husband and wife on equal footing and equally satisfied. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. Dr. Harley walks couples through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage, (friends and family, career and time management, finances, children, and sex), applying the joint agreement rule in every situation. And he teaches readers how to resolve conflicts the right way, so that not only are those conflicts resolved once and for all but the couple's love for one another actually grows and is sustained for the rest of their lives.

Anyone who has been married long enough to have a disagreement will benefit from this unique new book from everyone's favorite marriage doctor.

Author Bio

Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Love Busters; and Draw Close. Harley's most-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is now available as a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.

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  1. USA
    Age: 25-34
    Gender: female
    5 Stars Out Of 5
    100% Enthusiastic Agreement?
    October 15, 2013
    Momma C
    USA
    Age: 25-34
    Gender: female
    Typical marriage books are filled with the same info. Communication, compromise. Love and respect. The importance of date nights. Typical marriage books contain info that is a good reminder but isn't really something new to my marriage file-folder.

    He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation by Willard F. Harley breaks my mold of typical marriage books; so much so that my head is still reeling over what I read.

    The premise of this book is that unless decisions are made where both the husband and wife win in the outcome, someone loses. "This win-win model for negotiation states with a simple rule: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse." And when a spouse loses, the marriage suffers. Mr. Harley is very convincing and I can see where compromise can cause this to happen. But the question that I am battling is, "Can every decision in a marriage end with a win-win solution?".

    After explaining the importance of this, the author describes five situations that are common battle grounds for couples.

    Friends and Family

    Career and Time Management

    Finances

    Children

    Sex

    And if you marriage is anything like ours, these are common sources of conflict in your marriage as well. Following each chapter are questions to help get the conversation started. My husband and I found these questions to be very thought provoking.

    To conclude the book are ideas to deal with a spouse that struggles with depression, making commitments, and when you are emotional. The appendixes contain worksheets and questionnaires. (The questionnaires brought up a lot of communication!)

    My initial feeling is that this book is unrealistic. There is no way that we can 100% of the time enthusiastically agree on everything. It is something that sounds great but fifteen years of marriage as taught me otherwise.

    But in discussing the concept with my husband we both saw where our goal needs to change from compromise to agreement. While compromise looks good on the outside, it makes withdraws from our personal Love Banks. I realized that moving to win-win agreement means that we are both working to do what is best of our marriage and our family. And had we done this early in our marriage, so many hurts could have been prevented. Today, we need to move from good to best.

    Sadly, this isn't going to happen over night. But that fact that our barometer has moved is a great thing!
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