Author: Jay Stringer
Located in: Seattle
Submitted: September 08, 2018
Tell us a little about yourself. Hi,
I live in Seattle, WA with my wife and two children. We love the beauty of the PNW and try to get out in it as much as we can. In my work, I am a therapist, minister, and researcher.
What was your motivation behind this project? As a clinician, men and women were arriving in my office with almost no understanding of what freedom from sexual brokenness involved. The primary messages they received invited them to stop lusting and pursue accountability. But as the years and decades rolled on, they found that these approaches often failed to provide pathways to the freedom they desired and deserved.
I realized that unless we change the conversation, we will continue to consign men and women to a lifetime of futility with this issue. Most conventional research has explored what we already know: that pornography, infidelity, and sexual entitlement are pervasive issues in our world today. But what we have not explored is the "why" behind the sexual behaviors we wish to stop.
So I had an idea. What if we could ask men and women to share some of the most intimate details of their life story and the specifics of their unwanted sexual behavior. In doing so we could then uncover insights from the data that might give us clues about what was driving the choices they said they wanted to end. We could then use those insights to aid their freedom. And that is exactly what happened.
My research on over 3800 men and women shows that unwanted sexual behavior is not random. It is a direct reflection of the parts of our story that await healing. I wrote Unwanted to help guide you to freedom from sexual brokenness by leading you to identify the unique stories that bring you to it in the first place.
What do you hope folks will gain from this project? My hope is that people would be able to allow their sexual brokenness to be the very stage through which they would experience the work of redemption. Throughout the scriptures, God approaches people various states of difficulty with inquiry. To Adam, the question is, “Where are you?” To Jacob, it is, “What is your name?” And to Hagar, who has been traumatized by the first family of the faith, the angel of the Lord asks two of the best questions any church leader could ever inquire about with someone in their ministry, “Where do you come from and where are you going?” The voice of God is curious about who we are, inviting us to deeper reflection about how our sin and sorrow came to be.
How were you personally impacted by working on this project? I've been so taken aback by the desire for integrity and curiosity of those who long for sexual wholeness. The emails and messages I receive are often so full of people longing to understand their story and to live with an integrity that honors God and others.
Who are your influences, sources of inspiration or favorite authors / artists? The influencers of this project were Dan Allender, Mark Laaser, Patrick Carnes, Marva Dawn, Serene Jones, Deb Hirsch, David Schnarch, Walter Brueggemann, and so many others.
