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|Format: DRM Free ePub|
Vendor: B&H Books
Publication Date: 2017
In a world where women can unfriend each other with the swipe of a finger, how do we find friendships that we can trust to last? Maybe by first becoming those kinds of lasting friends ourselves.
As the community manager at the website incourage.me since 2010, Lisa-Jo Baker has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. Shes learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, its the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever livedJesusthis book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendshipWhat are we afraid of? What cant we change? What can we change? And where do we start?with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts.
Natalie Walters4 Stars Out Of 5Speaks to the soul and reveals our innate desire for friendships and how to nurture them.August 23, 2017Natalie WaltersQuality: 5Value: 5Meets Expectations: 5Man, this book seemed to speak straight to my soul. And I have to be honest I thought this book would sort of validate my feelings of loneliness but it did so much more than that. First, it reminded me that I am not alone in these feelings. It unpacked my fears about opening myself up to the possibility that friendship does come with pain but it reiterated that when the pain subsides and the struggle is overcome, the joy and meaningfulness that develops is exactly what Christ intended for us.
Each chapter is filled with some ugly lies I believe about myself and my friendships but Lisa-Jo Baker shines God's truths into those dark places and offers readers her experiences to defeat the enemy's endgame "severing our ties to community" and helpful suggestions to build friendships that endure because "we were built for friendship".
What I appreciated about this book is that it not only revealed issues I was internalizing but its focus directed me to what I can actively do to open myself up to new friendships, how I can nurture the friendships around me, and that I can live in the freedom of knowing that the ultimate friend, Jesus, chose me and that my value and worth are in Him.
I only gave this book 4* because I think a set of reader questions would've enhanced each chapter and allowed this book to be used in a group study atmosphere. Overall, this is a book I'll definitely recommend to all the girls/women in my life.
CGSMOM5 Stars Out Of 5Never Unfriended Book ReviewAugust 20, 2017CGSMOMQuality: 0Value: 0Meets Expectations: 0When you arrive at my age, the glorious early 40's, you'd like to think friendships have reached a plateau, absent of the unnecessary hills & valleys of darkness. Especially where Christian relationships are concerned.
Often women like me sit dumbfounded over the idea or mentality that friendship has been reduced to consumer promotion attempting to reach the top of some success ladder. I see people online pushing others away to latch onto others in a quest to gain more & more ground in hopes they'll be noticed by those on the highest platforms, while throwing the words, pal & friend as easily & with as much desensitization as the word love has become. No meat, no depth. Friendship seems to have taken a turn down a street called, What Do You Have To Offer Me?
I've found this age of social media society hasn't just worsened friendship, it's pulled most efforts to grow what God has equipped for our Earthly thriving: intimate community & relationships.
When I was growing up and the majority of my adulthood, we lived in a face-to-face world. If we couldn't be together in person, we dug deep in hours-long phone calls, even hand-written letters if we moved away. I still have boxes of these and even postcards which are some of the joys of my life when I want to take a walk down memory lane.
I lived in a time where people would just show up on your doorstep or you on theirs and you would sit for hours unexpectedly talking, crying, or laughing together. We didn't hide from each other, our problems, or socializing. We didn't live in an Instagram filtered world or a place that was dressed up with a nice bio and our very best selves on display. It was a place that I feel we and our kids were a happier, healthier us because we weren't recluses living lives of online comparisons, jealousy, arguments, and debates. The masses knew very limited information about our personal lives. To this day I still remain friends with those I attended elementary through high school with; even my best friend has been such for 34 years. That is a very rare thing to have these days.
Don't get me wrong, social media/the internet has been a blessing for my life and the life of my family many times over. I've established real friends, learned so many important things, I've been published as a writer and collaborated with others all over the globe to tackle social justice issues; I even communicate with my sponsor child in Africa through the internet. I have been exposed to so many things I otherwise would not have been able to- it's an amazing age to live in, but with every blessing comes the consequences of too much.
As wonderful as it is to have the whole world literally at our fingertips, it's also allowed us to turn people off & shut them away at the click of a button. Having that type of power & ability has spun a web dehumanizing others & forgetting these are real people that need us. Maybe you are the one on the receiving end- rejection, comparison, & loneliness has set up camp. No matter where you fit in this story, we can all agree, in order to have certain types of friends, we have to be what we want, 1st. And no matter what, our very best friend will always be Jesus.
In this book by Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended, she digs into the secret to finding and keeping lasting friendships. She says, "In a world where women can unfriend each other with the swipe of a finger, how do we find friendships that we can trust to last? Maybe by first becoming those kinds of lasting friends ourselves."
Lisa-Jo became the community manager at the website incourage.me in 2010. Since that time she has had the chance to engage hundreds of conversations with women about friendship. She's learned that no one can make us quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as deeply as unkind words from a friend. While we are all hungry for friendship, it's the fear of feeling awkward and being rejected, left out, or hurt (again) that often keep us from connecting.
But what if we knew we could never be unfriended? Would we risk friendship then?
Starting with that guarantee from the most faithful friend who ever lived-Jesus-this book is a step-by-step guide to friendships you can trust. It answers the questions that lurk under the surface of every friendship - What are we afraid of? What can't we change? What can we change? And where do we start? - with personal stories and practical tips to help you make the friends, and be the friend, that lasts
Laura HiltonHorseshoe Bend, ARAge: 45-54Gender: female3 Stars Out Of 5Never UnfriendedMay 31, 2017Laura HiltonHorseshoe Bend, ARAge: 45-54Gender: femaleQuality: 3Value: 3Meets Expectations: 3NEVER UNFRIENDED: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships is for every woman who has ever over-analyzed their relationship with women (and who among us hasn't?) We've mined our conversations, rehashing every detail to decide if we were wrong or if they were, if we need to apologize or they do. And why aren't I included in everything? Am I in the circle or out?
This book addresses many issues involved in friendship, from the fear of being hurt, o the fear of missing out, and the fear of being the new girl...
It also talks about what we can't do about it, what we can do about it, and where do you start?
My only issue in the book is that it seems to be a lot of tooting Ms. Baker's horn about what a great friend she is. . .
See someone you want to be friends with, but not sure how? This book will help you. An old friendship that died, this book will help you. And then there are all the nuances of friendship-- neighbors, church members, coworkers, etc that are somewhat friends, though maybe not necessarily close. And if you find yourself analyzing conversations this book is for you. Definitely timely, encouraging, and recommended for women of all ages. I was provided a free copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
AmyL4 Stars Out Of 5Never UnfriendedMay 2, 2017AmyLQuality: 5Value: 4Meets Expectations: 4I picked up Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker. I had heard Baker talk about her book on a few podcasts and decided I needed to actually dig into what her book said.
The title was a really big stumbling block for me. Baker's premise is that we should not unfriend those in our lives when things get hard. And her point is that just because it is so easy to unfriend someone on social media does not mean that's the way we should be treating our friendships in real life.
I decided to set aside my preconceived notions about the title and read this book.
Never Unfriended is broken up into four parts:
1. What are We Afraid Of?
2. What Can't We Do About It?
3. What Can We Do About It?
4. Where Do We Start?
The first part was probably the most beneficial for me. As Baker breaks down the problem with friendship, she addresses the way we bring our brokenness from old friendships into every new friendship. And how that actually harms the friendships we try to build in new arenas because we can't separate the old hurt from the new person.
Baker continues to develop healthy, biblical ways to build friendships. I often found myself frustrated with the last three parts of the book. Not because she wasn't speaking truth, but because the type of friendship she is describing in this book is something I don't know that I've ever been able to experience in my life.
Towards the end of the book, Baker asserts that we have to stop desiring to be part of the "in crowd" because there is always someone on the outside of some group. While I agree with the general premise, I do believe that some people actually have a harder time fitting into any group, and that makes the desire to be a part of a group not unhealthy.
I don't think that it was Baker's intention to shame anyone who struggles with friendship, but I occasionally felt overwhelmed with all of the things that Baker asserts are required for friendship. As I was processing parts of the book with a friend, I made the exasperated comment that friendship like this only works when the other person is willing to dive in too.
I think that Baker hopes women will remember to keep asking, keep inviting, keep inserting themselves into others lives. As I realistically consider this, especially having experienced being the "new person" fairly recently, it's not always possible to always be the one asking. Sometimes it takes someone already established to do some reaching out. I wish that Baker would have addressed the exhaustion that can come from feeling like you always are the one reaching out without having much of that reciprocated.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley and B&H Books. This review is my own, honest opinion.
bookwomanjoanOak Harbor, WAAge: Over 65Gender: Female4 Stars Out Of 5Encouragement to be a true friendApril 15, 2017bookwomanjoanOak Harbor, WAAge: Over 65Gender: FemaleQuality: 4Value: 4Meets Expectations: 4In this era of social media "friends," Baker calls us back to biblical friendship, to being a neighbor like the Samaritan. She encourages us to concentrate on being a friend rather than trying to get friends.
The book has several parts and they do not have to be read in order. The first part of the book deals with our fears, like the fear of being hurt (again). She helps us understand our relationship baggage and the need for forgiveness. The second part deals with aspects of a friendship over which we have no control and cannot fix. The next part relates what we can do about friendships and lastly, how to initiate them.
Baker includes great examples and stories to illustrate her principles. One that comes to mind was when she started a Bible study after being in a new church for a while. The women who came? Some had no close friends, even though they had been attending the church for years. Others felt useless and lonely. Baker was shocked. Wow, what a lesson on the opportunities we might be missing in facilitating friendships.
This is an encouraging book but it is also very realistic. Baker reminds us that we cannot successfully establish friendships in our image, exactly as we'd like them to be. We must accept others as they are, not trying to make them into our preconceived idea of a friend. Baker also tells us that we are not going to get all our needs met by our friends and disaster may result if we try. I really liked the sections on being willing to be imperfect and the importance of just being there in times of need.
I recommend this book to those who are ready to embrace the cost of true friendship. As Baker reminds us, the reward can be priceless.
I received a complimentary copy of this book through Icon Media. My comments are an independent and honest review.