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As a singles pastor, author Dan Chun worked exclusively with more than 5,000 singles, and of the hundreds who were married under his teaching, less than 10 percent got a divorce - far below the national average. Whether you are dating or planning to date, you will find clear, usable information for guiding your heart and your mind before making one of the most important decision of your life.
Unabridged audio CD; approximately 6 hours; 5 CDs; read by the author.
|Format: Compact disc|
Publication Date: 2014
|Dimensions: 5.44 X 6.38 X 0.56 (inches)|
For Married Men Only: Three Principles for Loving Your Wife Unabridged Audiobook on CDTony Evanschristianaudio / 2012 / Compact disc$4.49 Retail:
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For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband Unabridged Audiobook on CDTony Evanschristianaudio / 2012 / Compact disc$3.99 Retail:2 Stars Out Of 5 1 Reviews
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Anyone can get married. The goal, however, should not only be to marry--but to marry the right person.
As a singles pastor, author Dan Chun worked exclusively with more than 5,000 singles, and of the hundreds who were married under his teaching, less than 10 percent got a divorce--far below the national average. This book incorporates Pastor Dan's principles, which provide practical and proven ways to pick a spouse, and is yoiur guide to finding--and keeping--a lifelong partner. You will discover how to test your relationship for key differences using a variety of methods including the Seven Cs: Character, Chemistry, Competency, Cultural Differences, Commitment, Communication and Core Values.
Experts agree: Whether you are dating or planning to date, How to Pick a Spouse will give you clear, usable information for guiding your heart and mind before making one of your most important decisions ... ever.
Richard Penn5 Stars Out Of 5Chun offers practical tips on how to find a mateAugust 29, 2016Richard PennQuality: 5Value: 5Meets Expectations: 5Dan Chun launched and led for six years the singles ministry of Menlo Park Presbyterian in Silicon Valley, California. Since 1994, he has been pastor of First Presbyterian in Honolulu.
His first wife left him when he was 25 while studying at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. He married his current wife Pam 30 years ago, and they have three children.
In How to Pick a Spouse, Chun advises, It takes a village to choose a spouse. We must get the opinions of our friends, parents, counselors or pastors on our relationships as feelings can deceive. Infatuation short circuits reasoning, and puppy love leads to having a dogs life: hasty marriages can bring disillusionment and divorce.
Advisers are naturally reluctant to criticize, not wanting to hurt or alienate anyone. If we gush about our love interest and then request their opinions, they may conceal any disapproval. They need encouragement to give their unvarnished views. They are our control tower guiding our plane to safety through a dark, stormy night. Small groups can help as singles encourage and counsel each other about their jobs, dating, dreams and heartaches.
Date at least a year before marrying to see each other in various challenging situations. How are stress, disappointment and conflict handled?
Since daters are on their best behavior, character flaws usually worsen after marriage. Chun notes toxic signs in dating: rudeness, lack of common decency, a lot of arguing, poor communication, misunderstanding and lack of trust.
Daters may wear a mask, pretending to like whatever pleases their partner. Upon marrying, shared interests in church, sports, music or hobbies may vanish.
Singles often overemphasize finding Mr. or Miss Right. They should rather emphasize being themselves and becoming the right Christians that their desired mates would want. And definitely pray for these things.
God designed sex, Chun explains, to bind husbands and wives in a context of trust, loyalty and never-ending commitment. Non-marital sex blinds us to faults and supercharges infatuation. It binds you emotionally to a person way before you really know the person and way before your mind is ready for a commitment. Sex makes you think, prematurely, that he (or she) is the one. Non-marital sex displaces the critical development of your intellectual, spiritual, emotional and communicative compatibility . Words alone are cheap; the public commitment and sharing of vows are critical to the success of the relationship, along with others approval.
Cohabiters are primed for divorce as they:
Begin less committed to family values and long-term relationships.
Are just tentatively testing compatibility, which by itself undermines commitment.
A study of cohabiters by Michael Pollard and Kathleen Harris found the men were notably less committed. Women tend to rationalize cohabiting as a shortcut to marriage, not realizing that their men often manipulate and abuse them as temporary, cheap substitutesfriends with benefitswhile seeking someone better.
Non-marital sex risks pregnancy and pandemic STDsespecially for women. It may mean joining a huge sexual networkeveryone with whom your partner had sex and all their partners ad infinitum. Medical STD clearance has a six-month lag; more recent encounters may leave an invisible, incurable, permanent calling card.
Chuns premarital counseling uses two psychological tests and a questionnaire to surface issues like codependency, possessiveness, marital roles, budgeting and debt. Happy marriages arent based on riches.
Before marrying, people need seven Cs: good Character (kind, gentle), Chemistry (electricity, affirming each other), Competency (education, career), Cultural compatibility, Commitment (unconditional love and loyalty, not just fleeting feelings), Communication (listening, humility), and Core values.
Chun writes, A successful marriage cultivates a 60/40 attitude . Pour in 60 percent to your spouses 40 percent. When both out-serve and out-forgive with Christ central in their hearts, marriages soar. Seek not to be served and fulfilled but to serve and fulfill your spouse. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves (Philippians 2:3).