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Oak Harbor, WA
5 Stars Out Of 5
Skills and attitudes to move through personal conflict
March 17, 2015
Oak Harbor, WA
Conflict is going to happen. Every personal relationship will have it. Perhaps you avoid conflict at all costs. Perhaps you wade through but cause more problems. Mintle wants readers to successfully talk through personal conflict and has written this book to help build the skills and attitudes necessary to do so.
Mintle argues that under the right conditions, relationships will grow in intimacy when conflict is handled properly. She helps us understand the causes of conflict, their styles, the skills needed, the benefits of facing conflict, instruction from the Bible, and good practices.
I was impressed with her helping us understand the current influence from the conflict model we have from childhood. That explained much of my own attitude toward conflict. She relates what happens when two people have different conflict styles and the price we pay when we avoid conflict altogether. She reminds us that we may need to readjust our expectations and be more flexible.
Mintle covers many interpersonal relationships. She has great teaching on marriage relationships, including in-laws, blended families, divorce, and much more. She has a wealth of information on expectations, values, and beliefs and how those affect conflict. She includes stories from her own counseling, giving great examples of how problems were worked out.
I learned a great deal from this book. She reminded me that working through conflict is pleasing to God and is helping the situation. And then there is this proven fact: ...[P]eople who deal with conflict live longer. (42)
I think nearly everyone could benefit from this book. I highly recommend it.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.
Conflict is by far my least favorite thing about being human. It seems a day rarely goes by without some sort of conflict with a spouse, child, relative, or friend. I am always either in the middle of it, or trying to help someone navigate through it. Regardless of my day-to-day life experiences, I feel I am always wishing I had some professional advice! Dr. Linda Mintles new book We Need to Talk specifically addresses How to Successfully Navigate Conflict.
From the Back Cover:
Conflict is a normal part of our lives and relationships. But the desire to avoid it and the tendency to handle it poorly can get us stuck- or even in trouble. In this practical and approachable book, therapist Dr. Linda Mintle expertly leads you through successful conflict management so that you can enjoy more secured peaceful relationships. She offers real-world advice based on solid research for marriages, parenting, extended family, ex-spouses, blended families, and friendships.
I think the most helpful thoughts on conflict Dr. Mintle offers is the idea that we learn so much about conflict from our parents. For me, looking at my style of dealing with conflict through the lens of my upbringing is enlightening. Clearly, I avoid conflict at all costs, which in the end is expensive. A certified sweep it under the rug kind of girl (the Avoider according to Dr. Mintle), I really enjoyed rethinking navigating conflict.
I also appreciate Dr. Mintle addressing blended families. I read books dealing with raising children and Christian values often and it seems the most common situation for the modern family is least discussed. Further, Dr. Mintle touches on most family relationships we all navigate. My personal favorite was the section she dedicated to Preventing In-laws from Becoming Outlaws. My husband comes from a blended family and I have three sets of in-laws! I welcome all advice! (Truly, I am blessed with some pretty amazing in-laws.)
We Need to Talk by Dr. Mintle is informative, helpful, and an easy read. It is full of examples and illustrations to assist all of us in our day to day dealings with conflict. I think it would make a great reference book for any family. I was given a complimentary copy of this book by its publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own and aI have not been compensated.