This book has helped me to understand myself, my husband, and even my parents and why we all react badly to small things. I had no idea why my husband was reacting so harshly to little things I do... I had no idea he felt disrespected by my behavior. And at the same time I didn't know how to explain or even understand why things he did upset me so much. The first part of the book seems to drag on until you get to the husbands section (COUPLES), but I think the first part is needed to make sure you stick with it and don't give up (kind of a pep talk to let you know other people have gone thru the same thing and this book really does help). I skipped the husbands section and went straight to the wives section (CHAIRS), but later I came back to read the husbands section. It is important to read both so that you better understand each other (there are parts for me that cross over: like I stone wall and bottle things up which is covered more on the husbands section). It's ok to take a break and come back and read the spouse's section, but trust me it's worth it. When I was completely done reading I went back and wrote down where to find the verses I liked that are referenced along the way, and I studied the info in the back of the book.
I have never heard "respect" [or maybe never understood is a better word] in reference to marriage advice, but this is a different take and a good one. I found things that I never really understood before (things I had done because I had been taught to, but never understood why it was important... things I had stopped doing because I didn't realize how important they are to men). I have never intentionally disrespected my husband, but that is how he has felt. And I have never been able to explain why certain things he does upset me so much until now. I completely lost my voice in a previous relationship... I treated him like a king (I even felt ashamed because I stopped going to church, he took the place of Jesus in my heart). This book has even helped me rejoice in how good I treated my ex and I can finally let go of that.
I finally understand my mom and have a new sense of respect and admiration for her. This book does NOT make you feel bad about what you have done, but it does present the solution in a way that is not threatening and is easy to begin to follow. You can never completely get rid of the crazy cycle but you can slow it down and even stop it (not forever, but for some time). The advice in this book is like talking to a friend... it is written in a gentle and easily understood way. I found myself laughing, crying and even grabbing my Bible to read beyond what was mentioned. I really enjoyed this book and it is very encouraging.
If you want to get this for someone I recommend you read it first so that when they are frustrated or upset you can help them to keep reading and keep improving their ability to stop and slow down the crazy cycle. I do encourage you to read the portion intended for the spouse (it has helped me to explain my actions as well as helped me explain my reactions so that we don't stay on the crazy cycle). This is the first book I have read that has been for both spouses. Everything I read before this was totally/mostly one sided for the wife, or one sided for the husband... which helped, but only for a short time. I do believe that the information in this book can be used in the long run and will continue to help in years to come. I plan on buying more of these books and giving them away.