Today's college student communicates with mom and dad much more frequently than in past generations. E-mail, text messaging, social sites, and cell phones make it easier than ever before. Is it healthy? Does it encourage or stifle independence? In iConnected Parent, Barbara Hofer and Abby Sullivan Moore offer serious but witty ways for parents and young adults to find a mutually fulfilling balance of connectedness and independence in a world of constant communication. Hardcover.
"Just let go!" That’s what parents have been told to do when their kids go to college. But in our speed-dial culture, with BlackBerries and even Skype, parents and kids are now more than ever in constant contact. Today’s iConnected parents say they are closer to their kids than their parents were to them—and this generation of families prefers it that way. Parents are their children’s mentors, confidants, and friends—but is this good for the kids? Are parents really letting go—and does that matter?
Dr. Barbara Hofer, a Middlebury College professor of psychology, and Abigail Sullivan Moore, a journalist who has reported on college and high school trends for the New York Times, answer these questions and more in their groundbreaking, compelling account of both the good and the bad of close communication in the college years and beyond. An essential assessment of the state of parent-child relationships in an age of instant communication, The iConnected Parent goes beyond sounding the alarm about the ways many young adults are failing to develop independence to describe the healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships that can emerge when families grow closer in our wired world.
Communicating an average of thirteen times a week, parents and their college-age kids are having a hard time letting go. Hofer’s research and Moore’s extensive reporting reveal how this trend is shaping families, schools, and workplaces, and the challenge it poses for students with mental health and learning issues. Until recently, students handled college on their own, learning life’s lessons and growing up in the process. Now, many students turn to their parents for instant answers to everyday questions. "My roommate’s boyfriend is here all the time and I have no privacy! What should I do?" "Can you edit my paper tonight? It’s due tomorrow." "What setting should I use to wash my jeans?" And Mom and Dad are not just the Google and Wikipedia for overcoming daily pitfalls; Hofer and Moore have discovered that some parents get involved in unprecedented ways, phoning professors and classmates, choosing their child’s courses, and even crossing the lines set by university honor codes with the academic help they provide. Hofer and Moore offer practical advice, from the years before college through the years after graduation, on how parents can stay connected to their kids while giving them the space they need to become independent adults.
Cell phones and laptops don’t come with parenting instructions. The iConnected Parent is an invaluable guide for any parent with a child heading to or already on campus.
Barbara K. Hofer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Middlebury College who conducts research and teaches about adolescence and the transition to adulthood. The parent of a daughter and son who recently completed college, she knows the issues of parenting this generation firsthand.
Abigail Sullivan Moore has been a regular contributor to the New York Times, writing about high school, college, and university issues. She is the parent of two boys--one in college, the other in middle school--and faces her own iConnecting challenges daily.
Middlebury College psychology professor Hofer and New York Times contributor Moore combine original research and reporting in this examination of "iparenting," their term for a new generation of parents that employs technology to stay deeply involved in children's lives, even as the kids head off to college. According to the authors, who conducted surveys at Middlebury and the University of Michigan, many parents are in constant contact with their college students via cell phone, texting, email, Facebook, and Skype. But daily contact, they contend, hinders growth, robs kids of their ability to make decisions and learn from mistakes, and detracts from their college experience. The authors also discovered that parents have become increasingly involved in academic matters; many edit their children's papers via email, and intervene in academic decisions such as choosing majors or contacting professors. This "hypermanaging" trend often continues after college and into a career search. Urging moderation, Hofer and Moore point out that excessive communication is not useful for students, and also adds to parental anxiety. Instead, they suggest that before their child leaves for school, parents create a mutually agreeable "calling plan" that takes the student's need for independence and self-reliance into account. Though occasionally repetitious, this eye-opening text provides vivid examples of iparenting culled from the lives of contemporary college students and their parents. (Aug) Copyright 2010 Reed Business Information.
"Hofer and Sullivan have done some remarkable work here surveying students and tracking the number of times per week they are still in contact with parents after the kids leave for college. ... One might think then that the iConnected Parent is a sort of cautionary tale warning parents to steer clear from constant contact with their child in a hyperconnected world. Not so. It is simply a snapshot in time showing a strangely evolving phenomenon. Thankfully this book is not all finger-pointing. Barbara Hofer is a psychology professor at Middlebury College, and Abigail Sullivan Moore is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, writing about children and educational issues. As a result of their partnership this book is a well rounded picture, both of research and reporting, a more three-dimensional product than it would have been if either one had chosen to write it independently." --The New York Journal of Books
"[T]his eye-opening text provides vivid examples of iparenting culled from the lives of contemporary college students and their parents." --Publishers Weekly
“How much cyber-closeness with your undergrad is too much? Answers here.” --People