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5 Stars Out Of 5
December 23, 2013
irst of all, I have never been abused (although my mom was abused as a child, but that is another story). The issue of child abuse is something that always angers me, and it is more prevalent than what most people realize. It is also not something that a woman can get over quickly. It is something that infiltrates so much of her life, and her husband is the one who may struggle more than anyone else.
I am glad to see a book that is written to men to help their wives heal from abuse. The nice thing about the book is that it speaks to anyone--not just men. It addresses issues that will directly affect the man, but I think anyone who knows a woman who has been abused can benefit from this book.
I was pleased to see real stories, and the author herself even opened up. I think this book can also help people who are trying to counsel and help women through these awful, painful memories. Even I was enlightened as to why my mother was a peacemaker as I was growing up. That certainly caught my attention. And I also love that this book is told from a Christian viewpoint--very important!
I was sent a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. I was not financially compensated, and all opinions are 100 percent mine.
Dawn Scott Jones, in her book, When a Woman You Love Was Abused, has written a superb, comprehensive guide for husbands to help their wives overcome the after effects of childhood sexual abuse/molestation in their marriage. It's deep, it's personal, and it's in-depth.
Dawn has written her book in three parts:
Understanding the Survivor-uniqueness; stolen innocence; circumstances of the abuse; dealing with the emotions; replacing the lies; image of God; and sexual intimacy
Understanding the Healing Process-healing stages; denial; deciding to heal; remembering and surviving crisis; talking; grieving; anger; forgiving
How You (The Husband) Can Help-fostering a healing environment; understanding her needs; building trust; praying for her; support for the husband; questions; finding peace
All three sections describe in intricate detail the issues as they may unfold-delineating the common symptoms women display and how the husband can understand, address and deal with them; be empathetic and validating; and get support for himself. Though the issue of counseling isn't directly dealt with, I feel it's a given from reading the book. What makes the information so pertinent and realistic is the fact that the author has gone through abuse herself.
Though the book is written with husbands in mind, I found the book helpful for the abused woman as well, helping her understand her behaviors and some of the necessary steps she will need to go through. Both parties may be bewildered by the circumstances that unfold as she starts remembering the abuse. I would venture that this information could possibly help her work through the issues more quickly or at least be aware of what is transpiring.
Though the steps to healing may be difficult, I found Dawn's book opens the door for hope as she shares her testimony. With both spouses being aware of the complications and issues, there is more opportunity of restoration in their marriage.
Dawn is clear that God is an every present guide and hope throughout the healing process, with prayer being an essential component.
This is a Ã¢â¬Ëmust-have' if your wife's childhood sexual abuse issues are rearing their heads in your marriage.
I wanted to add another dimension that isn't directly alluded to in the book: Some women were abused at such a young age, that they learned to dissociate, some to the point of dissociative identity disorder (MPD). A good Christian psychologist or social worker is needed to open up those hidden parts. With that, I'll add a poem:
Down in the deep, dark depths of my soul
Sits a little, frightened girl.
Wondering_waiting_for someone to help.
Oh, how she agonizes deep in the night,
Wondering how anyone could cause such a fright.
Wondering_waiting_deep in the night.
What is this feeling so deep in my heart,
This crushing, heavy weight pulling me apart?
Wondering_pondering_deep in my heart.
What is the cause of it? I beg you to say.
Will I ever be allowed just to play?
Wondering_wondering_ what you will say.
Agony, agony-will I ever be free?
Whatever, whatever will become of me?
Jesus will do the the work of setting this girl/woman free. He's faithful and true.
There is a complementary book if the husband has also been abused. Check out When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphy.
This book was provided free by Amy Lathrop and Christen Krumm of the Litfuse Publicity Group in exchange for my honest opinion. No monetary compensation was exchanged.
Sadly, sexual abuse is becoming something that more children are experiencing in their lives and is a reality that many have to deal with. However, the ones you love them play an important role in helping them recover and forgive. It's not an easy journey and it's not a fun one, but it is one that will bring you closer together if you are equipped with the right things. This book is one of those musts for anyone who has a relative or a friend who has been abused. It's written more for a husband about his wife, but I still think that there is a lot of valuable information in it for anyone to be able to use.
The stories of these women who have been sexually molested are heart wrenching. To know that a child has gone through something like this is hard to read, but it's a must in order to know how to help them...especially if you are the husband who is trying to help your wife heal.
There are chapters that explain the lies that she believes and why she believes them. The part that was very interesting to me was how they view their relationship with God. It is so different from the woman who has never been abused and has no trust issues. Broken into three parts, you will begin to understand the survivor, understand the healing process, and you will learn how to help.
I never realized that many of these women who have been sexually molested will feel the need to control things in her life since she lost control of many things, including her body, very early in life. It makes me think twice about those friends that I have that are very controlling in both conversation and relationships. Not that anything happened to them that I know of, but I can't say for certain that something in their life didn't happen that might have brought these type of behaviors to the surface.
I think the most encouraging part of this book is the last section that is questions for men. It answers some of the most asked questions that a husband has about his wife and helps him understand more of how to love his wife in the way that she needs.
I received this book free from Litfuse Publicity Group in exchange for my honest opinion of this book.