This book has great information on ways to communicate and support your husband. The author is open but not to the point where it is an overly personal book. The book is written in an easy to understand format. The bulk of the book is explaining, from a Christian viewpoint, how men think.
I gave this book 4/5 stars. I liked the writing style of the author. It was what I would call a relaxed style. The author did an excellent job of making the subject of men and how they think easy to understand. I liked that the book was a man's perspective and I especially liked the Christian aspects of the book. I would recommend this book to any Christian wife who wants to better understand how her husband thinks and even why he acts the way he does!
I would like to thank the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based on my opinion of what I read.
In his book, David Murrow invites you to explore what men feel but are unwilling or unable to express into words to the people they love the most. Most men have no idea where these feelings come from. Many try not to feel anything at all. Some are so skilled at denying their emotions, they aren't aware they have any. David states that rare is the man who knows how to deal with his feelings in a healthy way. Thus, instead of living fully and freely, the majority of men resort to survival strategies and instead of being honest about what they feel and asking people to meet their needs, they learn destructive, manipulative ways of getting what they want. Many simply check out, becoming passive and unavailable to their loved ones.
David takes you back to the dawn of mankind, opening the history books to show you how men became the way they are, explaining the biblical and scientific origins of manhood in the role of provider and protector. As you understand these origins, you will better understand the powerful forces that shape a man, what's bothering him, what's motivating him, and what's frightening him.
As a reader, this book has made it easier for me to understand things about men, especially my own husband, that have helped me to be more open-minded and sensitive to the way they think and what I can do as a friend and a spouse to help them feel free to express themselves and be accepted in a healthy wayÃ¢â¬âGod's way.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Bethany House Publishers for review purposes.
Poor David Murrow. I believe he managed to write a book that is going to anger TWO completely different sets of women, leaving just a small group in the middle who will like and listen to his advice. On the one hand, you will have ladies who are far too conservative, who happen to have married maybe one of the few men who don't fall into the generalities of this book and will write it off for the brutal honesty he shows of how men view women. On the flip side, you will also have liberal women who have no problem accepting some of the darker sides of our husbands, but who may scoff at the roles of women (cooking, being skinny, submitting to husband, etc.) This leads us to the middle few who will take this book as a breath of fresh honest air.
I actually really liked it. The author does describe my husband, who falls into all the generalities found in the book, and on some occasions, I asked my spouse if what the author said about men was true, and he ALWAYS said yes. This book didn't make me like my husband any more (or less for that matter) but it did explain him better. It also confirmed that the grass is not greener, and some of the annoying things about him, I would likely find in any/every man! I found I had to be in the right mind-set to read this book and it is definitely hard not to get defensive, or say to the author or your spouse - "well that is a stupid way to think!" but I took this book at face value, I read it as an honest look into a man's brain and left it at that. The stuff on the importance of looking nice was nothing new, but the deep desire to provide, and the serious stubbornness of potentially failing at things, especially in front of others was eye-opening. (I received a copy of this book for review from the publisher. I would likely never have read it otherwise, but I am really glad I did)
I'm fairly certain that this is the first Ã¢â¬Ëmarriage-improvement' book I have ever read, and I didn't read it because I felt like my marriage needs improving. I DID read it because I was lured by the book description- and this one line in particular: "If you really want to know what's stored up in your husband's heart, read this book." Sounded tempting, particularly because my extremely calm, analytical, and very open husband doesn't seem to know what's in his own heart much of the time.
"What Your Husband Isn't Telling You" made for an interesting read, at the very least. I know that is a bland statement, so I'll clarify: whether you're in a thriving, happy marriage, or you're struggling to make it work, this book will encourage, challenge, and to a lesser degree equip you to be the spouse your husband needs you to be. Here are a few things I loved about the book:
1. People's reaction when I left the book lying around my desk at work, or on the table at lunch break. I got a kick out of people's awkward interest, and it was a great conversation starter.
2. I really appreciated Murrow's treatment of the topic of modern man in a society that has changed drastically in a short period of time. Every woman needs to read that chapter (3) and come to a greater appreciation of why so many men (even steady, mature, hard-working guys) often seem adrift in today's society.
3. Murrow's explanation for the dearth of men in the modern church was excellent and eye-opening. I've spent years in ministry and wondered at the phenomenon of churches and missions overflowing with women, but I had never heard the theory that the modern church setting is just the wrong environment for most men to flourish in. My husband and I had great discussions about this and are looking forward to talking about it with others in our church leadership.
4. I loved Murrow's bluntness. He really challenges his readers to deal with reality. Yep, your husband has eyes and he notices attractive women. And yes, your husband really appreciates it when you take care of yourself. Maybe you wonder why your husband is silent when you ask what he thinks about things; Murrow theorizes that women have punished their husbands for honest responses so many times in the past that they quickly learned silence was better than honesty. You can take a test to see if you're shutting your husband down (pg. 129). I went over it with my husband, to see how he thought I did, and it led to yet another great conversation and good growth between us. That test, and the following chapters on freeing your husband's body, soul, and spirit really drive home the point; if you are going to get the most out of this book, you not only have to be willing to handle the truth about what guys really think, you have to be honest with yourself about what you really think and do as well.
Some things I didn't love:
1. The first two chapters contained good information, but written in the Ã¢â¬Ëvoice' of Ã¢â¬ËProtector' and Ã¢â¬ËProvider' the tone was inane.
2. With all due respect to the veracity of the idea that its inbuilt in man to provide the food while women prepare it, lets be real - not all women are going to be domestic divas who can prepare amazing meals after coming home from a long day of work. A little help in the kitchen may in fact make the meal a bit more palatable. Thanks for the advice- but I think when it comes to food prep, this is one every couple will have to work out on their own.
3. Respect. Absolutely agree that this is a man's fundamental need and it's foundational to a healthy marriage. No question that God tells women to respect their husbands. I see then, how Murrow can challenge women to respect their husbands regardless of the kind of men they are. I see it, but I am not so convinced it can or should be given to a "bad" or "cruel" husband. I have two problems with that in fact; the first is that respect is attached to merit. It is a cause and effect thing, you can't just produce a feeling of respect for someone; it is intrinsically, even viscerally tied to your perception of the person. Can God give you the grace and strength to do it, yes, but I'm not sure it's always possible or even wise. That leads to my second problem, if you tell the wife of a cruel or abusive husband that she needs to respect her husband more to improve her marriage, you doom her to greater abuses.
Those critiques aside, "What Your Husband Isn't Telling You" is a well-written book. It is certain to be thought-provoking, and fodder for great discussion and growth in your marriage.
I received a complimentary copy of this book for review from Bethany House. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.