How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair

Author: Linda J MacDonald
Located in: Gig Harbor, WA
Submitted: October 09, 2012

    Tell us a little about yourself.  I am a Christian Marriage and Family Therapist and have been in private practice since 1987. I have specialized in helping couples and individuals recover from the heartbreak of infidelity my entire career. My husband is an evangelical pastor and we have four adult children.

    What was your motivation behind this project?  In my work with unfaithful spouses who wanted to save their marriages, I noticed that despite their desire to rebuild their relationship, many of them made matters worse in their bungled attempts to re-connect with their spouses. After years of coaching the unfaithful on what works and what doesn't work, I felt inspired to write an article to hand to clients who wanted to save their marriages post-affair. Well, the very long article was shared among my colleagues, who shared them with their clients and the response was overwhelming. The feedback was that it helped betraying spouses to make the necessary "shift" in their thinking and behaviors that won over their hurt partners. I then turned the article into a short, easy to read paperback/e-book and have sold over 11,000 copies in less than two years.

    What do you hope folks will gain from this project?  I hope that formerly betraying spouses will gain the insight and tips necessary to save their marriages from further harm. And then, with wisdom, find the skills to rebuild their spouse's trust. This resource is especially good for those who don't want to read a long book or who are self-help book phobics. Most read this book cover to cover, poring over this material with keen interest and finding success. I have also received many letters of appreciation from betrayed spouses who thanked me for writing a book that doesn't blame them for their spouses' choice to have an affair.

    How were you personally impacted by working on this project?  I have found my heart softened toward those who stray, knowing they are not bad people, but just broken, misguided folks looking for pleasure, comfort and validation in the wrong places. My hope for couples' ability to heal their relationships has increased as I see the results of gaining these insights.

    Who are your influences, sources of inspiration or favorite authors / artists?  Dr. Shirley Glass validated my thoughts about the myths that surround affairs, such as "If he was getting it at home, he wouldn't be looking for it elsewhere." Such notions damage the betrayed and are not helpful in the straying partner's recovery. Blaming one's spouse keeps a person from growing in the ways he/she needs to grow.

    Anything else you'd like readers / listeners to know:  I tend to have a full counseling practice with local people seeking help. I regret that I am unable to do long distance counseling. I hope to write an in-depth book for the betrayed and abandoned, since most books on infidelity are either geared for couples or focus on divorce recovery, without factoring in the unique trauma of being first betrayed and then thrown away by an unfaithful spouse.

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