Author: Jennifer Saake
Submitted: May 07, 2005
Tell us a little about yourself. I grew up dreaming of a large family. But
dreams and reality don't always mesh. Chronic
illness, the diagnosis of infertility, recurrent
miscarriages and many unsuccessful attempts to
adopt, caused me to question my faith and
stuggle with deep depression. I became angry
with God, bitter and disconnected from the world
around me, even entertaining thoughts of suicide
for a season.
After much work on my hard heart, the Lord
eventually broke through my bitterness and did
an awsome thing with my humble desire to start
a "small, local support group" back in 1994.
Hannah's Prayer Ministries, where I served on
the Board of Directors from 1995-2003 and now
carry the title of director emeritus, has grown
into an international ministry reaching tens of
thousands of hurting families.
Following ten years and ten losses (three
miscarriages and adoption attempts), my husband
and I are inexpressibly thankful for the two
living children God has added to our family.
While motherhood is a blessing I do not take for
granted, I have learned through infertility and
loss that my value as a woman does not come from
my reproductive nor parenting abilities, but in
Christ alone.
What was your motivation behind this project? In the midst of our struggles I often felt very
alone, both in my circle of friends and in my
relationship with God. In fact, I felt
mistreated and abandoned by Him.
But even when I doubted His love and accused Him
of horrible things, He ultimately proved Himself
faithful to carry us through these painful
years. I want every family struggling through
such dark waters of grief to know that you are not
alone!
The incredible reality of God's love is a Father
who willing faced the death of His only Child to
pay the price of my eternal adoption. If He
went to such great sorrow and pain to build His
family, He surly understands what I am walking
through as I struggle to grow mine!
As someone who has "been there," I want to walk
alongside women in this struggle and tell them
the words I needed to hear. "Even if you can't
feel God right now, He is here. He does love you
and He does care. It's ok to be angry with Him;
He's big enough to handle everything you can
throw at Him. But keep taking your pain to Him,
don't run away and try to hide from Him or the
pain will only continue to fester deeper and
deeper in your heart."
What do you hope folks will gain from this project? My prayer for this book is that woman grieving
over empty arms: will learn that they are not alone; will understand that their pain is valid while learning God honoring ways to cope with the emotions of this journey; will discover that the Father who perhaps
seems cruel, unjust or unloving right now, truly does understand this sorrow and personally care about the anguish; and will find hope to draw the next breath.
I also seek to help encourage and educate
our "burden bearers," those God calls to come
alongside and support hurting hearts in this
journey, with clear and applicable ways to live
with their grieving loved ones in an
understanding way.
Who are your influences, sources of inspiration or favorite authors / artists? My primary influence for this book is the
Biblical story of Hannah, found in First Samuel,
chapters 1 and 2. I had initially loathed this
story as it seemed Hannah's example was always
being thrown in my face as proof that God would
give me a child if I just had "enough faith"
like Hannah. But I eventually learned to love
this woman and gleaned so many encouraging
lessons from her life.
Debra Bridwell, author of "The Ache for a Child"
was a key person God used to get my attention
and let me know that He did listen and did hear
in the midst of my journey. Without her honest
and life-changing book, I would not be where I
am today. Other authors that have greatly
impacted me have been Sandra Glahn, author
of "When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden"
and "Infertility Companion," Kathe Wunnenberg,
author of "Grieving the Child I Never Knew,"
John MacArthur for his book "Safe In the Arms of
God," and Jan Frank for "A Graceful Waiting."
My all-time favorite fiction author is Janette
Oke. I also enjoy Beverly Lewis, Jane Peart,
Lori Wick and several others. My favorite music
artist is Steven Curtis Chapman. Other groups I
especially enjoy are Sierra and Point of Grace,
along with the praise music of Hillsong.
