In this inspiring entry, counselor Kolber (Try Softer) encourages readers to redefine their notions of emotional strength. At 22, Kolber writes, she was standing in the crashing waves of the Pacific, distraught after breaking off an engagement and quitting her first postcollege job, when a sudden awareness of God’s love helped her find peace. Inspired to forgo rigid notions of strength, she decided to become “strong like water”—a concept that was “rooted in a foundation of love,” and allowed her to be both “soft and bold.” Kolber aims to help readers achieve such a strength through improved self-knowledge and “compassionate” emotional resources. To that end, she explains situational strength, which can “outwardly appear to carry you through stressful situations,” but creates long-term anxiety, and “transitional strength,” which promotes healing through “repatterning” trauma responses. She provides an explainer on how the nervous system processes stress, showing that shifting from “fight-flight-fawn” mode to a “window of tolerance” state enables mental flexibility. Finally, she recommends cultivating “compassionate resources” such as inner trust (finding a “soft landing place” in oneself) and emotional flexibility. Kolber offers a healing approach that’s compassionate and personal, yet still grounded in practical psychology. Many self-help readers will find value here.
