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5 Stars Out Of 5
April 3, 2013
I am about two-thirds of the way through this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who has either been abused themselves or knows someone who has been abused. I am so grateful that Cecil Murphey wrote this book. Two weeks ago my ex-husband, after 35 years of our being divorced, told me that he had been molested and raped by an uncle (who was only 2 years older than him) and two of his friends several times over a period of about a year and a half - all three of them were doing this together to my ex-husband. My ex-husband never told anyone during all of these years. I understand so much more about his erratic behavior, inability to connect with people, severe alcoholism (which he is now sober, thank you Jesus), anger, problems keeping jobs, etc. He had also grown up in an alcoholic, abusive home, so he had no one he could trust to tell when the abuse was going on. He has been a Christian for several years, but was still greatly emotionally and spiritually crippled by what happened. Having a book like this, written from a Biblical and spiritual perspective, has been incredibly helpful to me. I am hoping to have my ex-husband read it soon. I think it will make a big difference for him as well, to see that he hasn't been alone, and isn't alone now. Thank you, Cecil Murphey.
Cec Murphey is an unusually kind and caring person. He was a pastor before he took up writing full time. If you meet him personally, or read one of his books, you'll realize that he will probably know how you feel, regardless.Murphey has written more than 100 books. Some are as-told-to stories, but When a Man You Love Was abused is non-fiction. The book is based on his many questions and discussion with abuse survivors, and his own horrific life experiences.One is six males has experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences before the age of sixteen. Murphey writes to the women who love these men, with sound advice, sympathy and encouragement on how to recognize and cope with the soul-ripping that occurs when little boys endure unspeakable atrocities. Usually there is no one to help or rescue the boy. He holds the filthy secrets inside himself.Cec offers information and practical insight for the women (or anyone) who love these men. He lends encouragement and a balanced mix of statistics, personal insight, and inspirational stories from other survivors. He also coaches the abused on surviving, even thriving, after their past abuses. He speaks in a gentle tone that soothes the soul, and offers hope.Murphey's closing words to women are encouraging (page 256): Sexual abuse is one of the worst torments a boy can go through. It attacks his physical, spiritual, and psychological integrity. If you are committed to help the adult survivor in your life, you can be a true heroine in his life. He needs someone. He needs you."Read more at Cec's blog, www.manshatteringthesilence.com.Reviewed by Audrey Hebbert, M.A., author of Green Light Red Light
I think most of the books you can read or see try to temper the titles to attract readers and a certain type of readers. I think this book just says it out there, who it was written for, but not altogether. I think anyone who has had any contact or wishes to help someone who has suffered any type of abuse, should read this book. It is one of the most helpful, comprehensive guide to actually helping someone. I applaud the author for having the guts it took to write this book as it is really hard for men to admit they suffered at the hands of another. It is even harder to get the people who really need to read this book, to read it. I could think of several people that I wish would read it. But as the title says, it is written for people, who when someone you love, has been abused. This is a book for mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters, brothers, fathers, whoever cares enough to actually understand the abused person, wants to know how to help them, reach them and be there in a way that can actually helpnot harm. I think one of the biggest thing in this book that touched me was the fact that Cecil touched on things bothering a person that have nothing to do with abuse on the surface. He mentions how he hates raspberry jam and it triggered a very bad reaction with him emotionally. He was, as an adult still confused by why it triggered such a reaction for him emotionally, until his sister reminded him that his abuser would use crackers and raspberry jam to lure him to his room.Cecil is gentle, he is caring and really helps people to see that in this horrible pain, there is hope and healing, and even though the scars remain, he has suggestions to help the healing. I highly recommend this book..even for those helping female abuse victims. It is excellent!
When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman's Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation by Cecil Murphy is written in two parts. The first part deals with his own personal horrific trauma and how he handled it over many years, as well as his compassion for men who were sexually molested/abused as children. He reaches out passionately and directly about some of the areas abused men will need to address to become whole-giving an inside peek of the male's psyche and emotions. He's direct about what worked for him and what didn't. It's not a `fix-it' book, but instead helps men realize they aren't alone or crazy and that healing can be reached. The One who ultimately does the healing is the Lord, and He uses many different people to accomplish the task.The second half of the Cecil's book is directed specifically to the women in these men's lives-how they can help him through the healing process by being there for him and encouraging him. Easy? No way! Necessary? Absolutely!Women, this is definitely a book to have on your shelf if the man in your life is struggling with childhood sexual abuse. Cecil has wise words of advice that will you help stand beside the man in your life through his healing process by encouraging him. Whether the survivor in your life is a brother, father, son, boyfriend, or husband, you will find encouragement and strength from Cecil's book. I personally feel that the book could also be used in reverse circumstances where it's the woman who has been abused, especially part 2.Special thanks to Danielle Douglas of Douglas Public Relations for sending me a review copy.
Cec Murphey has been at it again, writing yet another book to bless and heal and minister. When a Man You Love Was Abused by New York Times bestselling author Cecil Murphey, published by Kregel, is written with the empathy of a survivor who knows the pain experienced by far too many young males. At last, this awkward subject, often avoided and ignored, is addressed honestly and compassionately, opening the door for many to finally admit and deal with the abuse they experienced as young boys or adolescents. And because the book is directed toward those who love someone who experienced such abuse, the abuse survivor won't have to walk through the healing alone. If someone you love has had such an experience, don't wait another minute to order this book. Then read it and apply it--and be ready to offer real help and healing to the man you love who was once abused.