Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationships from the Pain of Regret
A first step towards healing tainted w/ Feminism
At first glance, this book seem like it would offer salve to a wounded woman's soul, and in some regards, I believe that this could indeed be true, but I see it as merely the first baby step towards healing. More likely, though, it could serve as the means by which such women initially become aware of their true spiritual condition, just as a friend opening the living room window to let smoke out of the house will help one to "see (self) more clearly." They won't necessarily be the guide to fully-restored practical healing, but might provide the initial orientation to do so.
At times, this book applies some basic biblical truths in such a way that may illuminate areas of the soul, much like applying a choice word to it's specific correlative emotion creates a greater depth of understanding that emotion.
Many other times, I'm left frustrated by the authors subtle (and not so subtle) uses of non-biblical examples to support her claims. You're quoting Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman?!" Seriously?! And, while the example is useful for its dramatic and emotional value, it flies in the face of biblical reality and the nature of all men. The idea that a woman can CHOOSE to be a prostitute, degrade herself, throw away her God-given value as a bearer of God's image, later have a change of heart, and FEEL ENTITLED TO DEMAND that any man not only overlook her past WILLFUL SINS, but also PROVE he is "WORTHY" of her and PAY whatever high price she decides (as if she never sinned) is just ridiculous. Does God forgive if she genuinely repents? Yes! Is a man OBLIGATED to forgive her? No, though some may. But the problem with this example is that the Author is using romantic comedy fiction to claim that a woman's "change of heart" somehow erases all of her past, and that not only must a man also forgive her sins, PROVE himself "worthy" of her, PAY whatever price she thinks she is ENTITLED to, but that he be OBLIGATED to clean-up and deal with all the remaining baggage and circumstances of her past. That's not cool!
This book is half based on basic spiritual truths (women do have God-given value) and half based on the author's mixed-up "Christian" FEMINIST cultural beliefs. She makes a lot of weird claims that support her ideas that women are "better" or "more special" than men, as if men have "less" value on their own and must pursue women to find it.
In fact, she seems not to understand men very well, and recommends women relate to men in certain ways, as if men will behave according to the stereotypes in the author's mind. It's actually pretty insulting to men!
She seems to think that somehow woman are simultaneously "better" or "more special" than men and that they also have the right to hold onto and play the convenient "victim" card whenever they choose. This is one of my biggest complaints about the book. It encourages women to dismiss their WILLFUL SINS as "mistakes" or "poor life choices," without ever calling them out on their sins. She could have chosen the "gentle correction" approach, but women never want to be told they're wrong about anything, even if it might be true. This book also sugar-coats the past sins of women as if all these women were all poor, helpless little victims who fell under the evil spell of evil men, and that women hold no responsibility for their choices. After all, it's easier to believe you have great self-worth if you are never forced to acknowledge and take responsibility for your past. This is evidenced by the review questions at the end of each section. The author presents thoughts and perspectives that are completely one-sided, encouraging women to think about all they WANT men to do for them, but never forcing these women to think about what they NEED to do themselves to own the responsibility and baggage for their past choices. Somehow, God's grace, forgiveness, and restoration of women gets tied up in a nice pretty pink bow with male servitude and the EXPECTATION that men deal with the mess and responsibility that woman are too "precious" and "valuable" to carry themselves. What a convenient gospel these women have! Who cares if women make "mistakes" if they can always find a controllable man to clean it up for them?!
This seems to be EXTREMELY common now with "Christian" woman younger than 50. They throw themselves at all the fun and exciting non-Christian men who show them a good time when they are in their young 20's, and then when their looks and marriage prospects dry up in their late 20's and 30's, then "all of a sudden" "out-of-the-blue" they have a huge convenient "change of heart," and go back to church to capture the "safe and boring" Christian men who they don't actually care about or respect according to scripture, hoping these controllable men might still fall for their games, marry them, and be tricked into paying the full price, weight and responsibility of their wife's past sins and consequences. Not only is this cold-hearted of these "Christian" women, but flat-out insulting to their men to demand they PROVE themselves "worthy" of her or PAY some high price for her. These women are unloving and only concerned with improving their own life circumstances. They need to be rebuked by the church!
God can forgive women, but men are sick and tired of taking all the blame and responsibility of "Christian" women, who CHOSE to party up in their 20's, play the "victim" card, and pretend to have a "change of heart" in their 30's. When will the Church call these women out for their true heart and motives, and hold them responsible for their own choices and sins? The church needs to STOP BLAMING MEN for the sins of women. STOP OBLIGATING MEN TO MARRY damaged or divorced women. STOP giving women "get-out-of-jail-free" cards just because they happen to be females in a church building. Those women should pay the price of their own sins.
If a woman throws away her value when she is young, she has NO RIGHT TO DEMAND A HIGH PRICE when she comes back to God. God can restore her spiritual value in his sight, but that does not necessarily include any future relationships with men.
I do believe men should love and respect women, and seek to honor and protect them, but I fail to see any Christian women who genuinely value, love, and respect their men, or pass-up the opportunity to play the "victim" card when it suits their interests.
I'm all for the full spiritual and emotional healing and restoration of women towards God and their ability to relate with men, but that is far different than encouraging women to DEMAND and EXPECT the full market value from men available to other Christian women who chose not to sin and throw away their value.
Just because God forgives and heals women, doesn't mean that men must forgive those women or clean-up their messes. If women are lucky enough to find men who are so willing, those women should thank God and DEDICATE their lives to making those men happy the rest of their lives. No more "holier than thou," "I'm a woman, so you owe me.," "I'm determined to remain unhappy and discontent and complain about men to everyone I meet" ungrateful attitudes. If a man is willing to forgive your sin, marry you, and clean-up your mess, then YOU OWE HIM YOUR LIFE! YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOU ARE WORTHY TO HIM!
This book should serve as a great encouragement to seek professional Christian help elsewhere in your life. Focus on what God expects from you, and remove all of your expectations of men, other than they be true believers in Christ and treat you well. The rest is on you. It's your life! Don't even think you are a victim. Stop blaming men and others in your life, and find your hope and strength in God alone. No man (or human) can ever complete you. Don't expect men to actually literally be Jesus for you. We are only weak human "image bearers" like you! We were never designed to take the place of Christ in your life. We are only supposed to treat you "like" Christ (like a representative of Christ). We are not perfect, so don't expect perfection. Learn to trust God instead and honor and respect all Christian men. We deserve far more credit than we receive!
Take responsibility for your life, and give it to God, expecting nothing from others. Find your happiness and contentment in Christ! Become the women that God desires you to be, not to find relationships with men, but to worship and honor Christ for what he has already done in our lives.
This book is just one possible beginning, but take the ideas about men in it with a grain of salt, and refer back to the bible to see how God wants you to think about and treat men. It is the opposite of what the culture and even many churches teach you now. Learn to see men as God does! We are not your enemy! We are both being destroyed by Satan through the teaching of Culture and feminist ideas, which have corrupted the church, and poisoned the minds of women against men. We are not your enemy, because we are just as damaged as you are (though this book claims otherwise). Let go of any anger, hurt, and bitterness, and give it (and all your victim excuses) to God. Take ownership of your choices and sins, repent of them, and He will restore you for his glory.
July 21, 2013
This book gave me amazing revelations
This book not only put into words many things I have known or felt over the years, but did not really know how to express, but also gave me so many new revelations about my past, and the preciousness of sex that I actually began a journal so that I would never forget the things God revealed to me through this book. This should be required reading for all women, young or old. It would be helpful for any woman who wants to avoid the pitfalls of promiscuity and to learn to celebrate being a woman apart from the act of sex, and for mature women who have already been down that road to understand WHY they gave themselves away before their wedding day, and to find healing at last.
December 21, 2010