Standing Up for Your Child without Stepping on Toes

As a parent, sometimes you need to step up to the plate and make your child's case. But how do you do so without causing further problems for your child with the teacher, coach, doctor, principal, or relative involved? Author Vicki Caruana shares real-life examples of when to intervene, how to tell your story, and how to negotiate. Most importantly, you'll see how to follow the example of Jesus, the ultimate advocate for each one of His children.

Many parents struggle with "going to bat" for their children without alienating the authority figures involved. Whether that authority figure is a coach, a pediatrician, a principal, or a mother-in-law, it takes courage to be an advocate for your child. It also takes wisdom to do so without being defensive or demanding. Author Vicki Caruana provides real-life examples and the confidence parents need to be champions for their children.

Standing up for one's children is a parent's duty, and Vicki Carauana tells us how to be the best via this Focus on the Family book. She says that, "If we're careful about how we communicate and conduct ourselves, we can help our children get what we think they need in a way that doesn't burn bridges, alienate, or betray our claims to be followers of Christ" (p. 1). She has created a website for support from other parents: standingupforyourchild.blogspot.com.

The author explains different situations that can arise, as she gives anecdotal experiences that parents have shared with her. She shares that her husband and she tend to be on opposite ends of the spectrum between rushing in to question (he) and finding out and breaking down the information first (she). As an educator of students from kindergarten through college, as well as homeschooling her own boys, Caruana has had many experiences to share in this book, which had begun as a doctoral thesis.

Bullies exist, unfair teachers are in the classroom, and jealous parents have children in the classroom, but knowing how to teach one's child to be an advocate for himself is very important. Since a parent can not always be by his side, giving him the confidence to face daily school situations, the workforce, or college on his own is imperative.

The chapter subtitles, listed as guiding principles, seem more explanatory: "Be mindful of what you model," "Know intimately the needs of both sides before you speak for either," "Keep the long-term best interests of your child in mind when you make short-term decisions to intercede," "Make sure your words and actions are in harmony when dealing with others," "Be willing to seek advice when you're unsure, instead of pretending you know it all," "Consider carefully the self you want to present to the world as a parent," "Let your children see how it's done; then step back and let them do it," and "Trust in the certainty of your calling."

All of these guiding principles are essential, but the last is highest on the list, since parents must remember that children have been given by God to nurture, cherish, bring up in His admonition, and to advocate for, not be an adversary against. The only way to be worthy of this calling is to go to the best instruction book a Christian parent has: the Word of God. – Sharon I. Rideout, Christian Book Previews.com

“When it comes to standing up for your child, are you a steamroller—or sitting it out? If you champion your child Vicki’s way, he or she will have good reason to thank you—and so will those teachers, coaches, and pediatricians.”--Ruth A. Peters, Ph.D.
Clinical psychologist, author, and contributor to NBC’s Today show

Average Rating:

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Reviewed by Sherrie Eldridge (Indianapolis), July 25, 2007

speak and write on the subject of adoption and am an adopted person myself. Being bullied is a hot topic for adoptive parents because their children are often the brunt of criticism and bullying because of their adoption. I'll never forget kids on the playground taunting, "Sherrie's adopted, Sherrie's adopted!" How I wish my mom and dad would have had a resource like this. Even though they didn't, I can pass on a rave review to parents of adopted kids. Vicki gives creative and substantial ways for parents to stand up for their kids, yet keeping the crucial line of respect and privacy. Thank you for writing this, Vicki!

Reviewed by Brenda Nixon (Ohio), July 24, 2007

What a compelling title and topic. The difference between advocating and abdicating is explained, and is a challenge to readers. This one-of-a-kind book helps parents stand up for their child(ren) in a variety of situations. As a speaker/writer to parent audiences, I encourage them to be their child's best advocate. Kids desperately need a Mom or Dad who campaigns on their behalf, but one who does so while modeling wisdom, appropriate behavior, and negotiation skills. I often speak on Boosting a Child's School Success, and reference this book. It compliments what I share and takes the issue of school -- and life -- success beyond my podium. Author Vicki Caruana writes with candor, sharing personal antidotes and insights, and uses examples and stories from other parents. I enjoyed reading this book and learned a few things myself. Chapter titles include, The Buddy, the Bully, and the Hero; Knowing When to Step In; Learning to Stand Aside; and When Your Best Isn't Good Enough. Plus, the list of "helicopter parent" behaviors is provocative. At 168 pages, this is a short, easy read and I recommend it to parents as well as professional educators. ~ Brenda Nixon Author, Parenting Power in the Early Years: Raising Your Child with Confidence -- Birth to Age Five

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