My purpose as a parent is to lead my children to Jesus Christ. A parenting book that is based on God's Word is a good guide to help me achieve that purpose. I have learned that as an adult, I am mostly responsible for stopping the Family Crazy Cycle, which is when children feel unloved, they tend to behave disrespectfully and when parents feel disrespected, they tend to react in an unloving manner. And then the cycle seems to never end. This book helps parents be proactive in stopping this cycle and therefore, refrain from exasperating our children.
Love and Respect in the Family provides a blueprint on how to parent God's way and I would definitely take note of that. I also like that this book talks about the Biblical differences of boys and girls, and how to parent them according to their different levels of needs for love and respect.
I had the opportunity to read a complimentary copy of Love and Respect in the Family by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and I have to say, I really enjoyed it. It first came out in November and since Love and Respect [in your marriage] is one of my favorite books, I knew that the "sequel" would not disappoint. Parenting is definitely not an easy task, and there are days I feel I take one step forward only to move 2 steps back. This book gives a Biblical approach to parenting your kids in a godly way, and I really appreciated the insight that Dr. Eggerichs gave that mirrored some of the concepts from the marriage book.
I feel when most conflict occur in marriage and family, the first question is "Why is this happening? What did I (or we) do wrong?" Dr. Eggerichs calls this the "Family Crazy Cycle" which basically states that "Without love, a child reacts Without Respect, and Without Respect, a Parent Reacts Without Love." How is this illustrated in daily life with your kids? Let's take an example with my kids:
My son was 4, daughter was 2 and my other daughter was 4 months old. I can't exactly remember the argument but I asked my son to do something only to be ignored after 2 more attempts. Sparks flew, I yelled, he cried, then I cried. It was pretty much chaos for another 10 minutes untilÂ I stepped away for a Mommy break. After about 20 minutes I came back to him to apologize (he apologized back) and we just sat and hugged in silence. We talked a bit after that and I realized that he just needed some love and attention, which is not surprising, considering he's had to do a bit of adjusting from being an only child to being the big brother of not one, but two sisters. The other key thing to remember here is that when I was feeling disrespect from my son, I couldn't help but respond in an unloving manner (yelling). There will always be days where our patience runs thin but we have to try our best to be loving and respectful to our own kids to keep our family out of this "Crazy Cycle."
What I find interesting when I first learned this concept 2 years ago to utilize in my marriage, I actually thought I had it nailed in response to my husband on a daily basis and I truly believe it's what saved my marriage when it came to a breaking point. It didn't even occur to me to use it with my kids! That was the biggest eye opener after reading this book. I would definitely recommend Love and Respect in the Family if you want to learn godly principals to apply to your kids. I would also suggest to read Dr. Eggerichs first book as well in order to apply it to your marriage which will also make it easier for you to trickle down to your parenting style.
Happy Reading (and Parenting)!
Thank you to BookSneeze for my complimentary copy of Love and Marriage in the Family. All opinions and views are my own.
"Love and Respect in the Family" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs, is not rocket science, but it is real and practical. It focuses on achieving healthy family dynamics through a few, but powerful principles. Dr. Eggerichs highlights candid input from his wife and three adult children. They share wisdom gained from the good, the bad, and the ugly of their family life. The children's honest reflections of their parents' journey in raising them happily past adolescence is refreshing.
Love & Respect in the Family teaches parents to:
â€¢ See love and respect as basic family needs
â€¢ Discipline defiance and overlook childishness
â€¢ Be the mature one since parenting is for adults only
â€¢ Work as a team, according to the gender of the children
â€¢ Become a loving parent in God's eyes, regardless of a child's response.
My favourite passage is, "Listening is an art and even today I am still learning. One thing I have learned: parenting is NOT about getting your children to understand your instructions, advice or guidance as much as it is about trying to understand them - how they feel and what they are trying to tell you." Taken out of context, this passage sounds like parents are the servants of the children. If you understand true leadership to be servanthood, then you get what Eggerichs is saying. Parents must consistently take the lead to love in order for children to have the best opportunity to respect. That kind of love is not capricious or weak, but tender and tough. It works.
As my children become older, I am finding that I need different parenting tools in my toolbox. Some days I struggled to figure out how to teach/guide my children and how I relate to them. Enter this book, Love & Respect in the Family by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The subtitle says The Respect Parents Desire; The Love Children Need.
Love & Respect in the Family is divided into three parts: The Family Crazy Cycle, The Family Energizing Cycle, and The Family Rewarded Cycle. It starts out with acknowledgements, a personal word about and from the Eggerichs children, and an introduction. There are 15 chapters along with a conclusion, two appendixes, notes, and about the author.
This book will teach you to: (pg.xix, copied)
"see love and respect as basic family needs
stop the Family Crazy Cycle
parents in six biblical ways called G-U-I-D-E-S that will energize your children
discipline defiance and overlook childishness
be the mature one, since parenting is for adults only
work as a team, according to the gender of the children
be a loving parent in God's eyes, regardless of a child's response"
Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and am still doing. It is also the most rewarding and worth all of the sweat and tears and prayers. I was praying for God to help me and this book came up for review. I knew I needed to get it. I needed ideas. I like the title of chapter one: If Kids Would Only Cooperate, We All Would Be Great Parents! It sure would be easier to parents. But that's not going to happen all of the time. Eggerichs mentioned the Crazy Family Cycle. It is this: "without love a child reacts without respect; and without respect, a parent reacts without love."
So how to we get respect while our children feel loved? There are three questions to ask ourselves:
"Is my child feeling unloved?
Am I feeling disrespected?
How will I parent God's way regardless?"
This book will guide you through each of these questions. The Eggerichs family share many stories of their parenting journey, what worked, what didn't. There are even some color photographs of them during the growing up years. I enjoyed that. This book is based on the Bible and many Scripture verses are included. The author includes links to this book's website with more information on that chapter's topic. The conclusion is about leaving a legacy. What kind will you leave? Makes you really think and I know changes need to be made. Easier said then done but that's why I need to rely and trust God to lead and guide me in the way I should go.
I recommend this book for all parents/grandparent. I did not finish reading this book but will definitely get back into it after the holidays.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.comÂ® book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."