5 Stars Out Of 5
Very helpful, very solid
June 7, 2011
A Cluttered Mind
There are many who think that Joshua Harris's book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" should be given to every teenager or single person in the church. I happen to think that Harris's book is an excellent one. My oldest daughter, Rebecca, used some of the principles from this book (perhaps unknowingly) during her time of dating, courtship, and engagement to the man who is now her husband. When I performed their wedding ceremony, nearly 2 years ago now, it was a thrill for them, her mother and I, and the whole congregation when I announced, just before they kissed during that wedding ceremony, this was their first kiss. They had made purity and holiness their chief goal. By God's grace, they attained that goal.
However, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is not for everyone. I think it is highly commendable, but realistically I have come to believe not every one can attain its high standard. So what are a Christian young man and young woman to do? Chuck Milian answers that question in his book "We're Just Friends" and Other Dating Lies: practical wisdom for healthy relationships. Milian offers up a platter full of very helpful advice. He offers, what I think, is a solid, primarily biblical, five-step dating plan to guide single men and women through the process of developing relationships. As he walks through each of the levels, he gives direction, counsel, and even some examples of what that level means. The book has many helpful charts and diagrams which help to clarify his levels and definitions even further. Milian also offers up sound instruction about the physical boundaries that apply to each of the five levels. My only concern here is that some will see how far they can push that line. It's not a large concern, however, since it's usually well within our sinful nature to take any command, law, suggestion, or even simply a good idea and try to break it, bend it to our own sinful desires, or flat-out rebel against it.
Here are the five dating levels Chuck Milian uses in his book:
Level I: Dating for Something to Do
Level II: Dating Because Its You
Level III: Dating with the Future in View
Level IV: Dating and Engaged to You
Level V: Dating after Saying I Do
Throughout the book in each chapter, Milian offers up a dating lie which then guides the discussion of each chapter. Here is the list, chapter by chapter, of the dating lies that Milian seeks to refute:
Dating lie #1: love just happens; you can't control it.
Dating lie #2: if it feels like love, it must be love.
Dating lie #3: think of every date as a potential mate.
Dating lie #4: if you're single, you are incomplete.
Dating lie #5: your significant other can and should meet all your needs.
Dating lie #6: I must be a loser because I'm not in a relationship.
Dating lie #7: there are no rules in dating; it's all about romance.
Dating lie #8: just died-in; it's better to discuss expectations later.
Dating lie #9: all the "good ones" are already taken.
Dating lie #10: wait for them to say at first, if you ask, you'll scare them off.
Dating lie #11: I'll never understand what causes my relationships to blowup.
Dating lie #12: all you need is love.
Dating lie #13: love at first sight is "real" love.
Dating lie #14: you'll "just know" when it's time to get married.
Dating lie #15: we are engaged so sex is okay.
Dating lie #16: we're perfect for each other because we never argue.
Dating lie #17: sex is like hunger: you have to feed it.
Dating lie #18: once you're married, the dating and the font are over.
I think that Chuck Milian's book can be a great tool for pastors, youth pastors, singles pastors and just teens and single pull themselves. I recommend it to you.
I received this book for review purposes only.