Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers: Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate  -     By: Leslie Leyland Fields, Jill Hubbard
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Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers: Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate

W Publishing / 2013 / Paperback

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Product Description

Do you struggle with the deep pain of a broken relationship with a parent? Leslie Leyland Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard invite you to walk with them as they explore the following questions:

  • What does the Bible say about forgiveness? Why must we forgive at all?
  • How do we honor those who act dishonorably toward us, especially when those people are as influential as our parents?
  • Can we ever break free from the "sins of our fathers"?
  • What does forgiveness look like in the lives of real parents and children? Does forgiveness mean I have to let an estranged parent back into my life? Is it possible to forgive a parent who has passed away?

Through the authors' own compelling personal stories combined with a fresh look at the Scriptures, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers illustrates and instructs in the practice of authentic forgiveness, leading you away from hate and hurt toward healing, hope, and freedom.

Product Information

Format: Paperback
Number of Pages: 240
Vendor: W Publishing
Publication Date: 2013
Dimensions: 8.38 X 5.50 (inches)
ISBN: 0849964725
ISBN-13: 9780849964725
Availability: In Stock

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Author Bio

Leslie Leyland Fieldsis an award-winning author of eight books, a contributing editor for Christianity Today,a national speaker, a popular radio guest, and a sometimes commercial fisherwoman, working with her husband and 6 children in commercial fishing on Kodiak Island, Alaska where she has lived for 36 years.

Dr. Jill Hubbard is a clinical psychologist and regular co-host on Christian radio's nationally-syndicated New Life Live program. Dr. Jill has gained a reputation for her gentle and insightful style of connecting with radio callers. She is also in private practice where she sees clients who struggle with depression, addictions, eating disorders, and relational and personal growth issues. Dr. Jill lives with her family in southern California.

Endorsements

"A call to very hard, but very vital, work of the soul."
--Dr. Henry Cloud, leadership expert, psychologist, and best-selling author

"Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers is essential reading for anyone who wants to deal with those hurts in a constructive, healing, and God-honoring manner."
--Jim Daly, president, Focus on the Family

"Leslie Leyland Fields and Jill Hubbard take us into raw, messy stories so we can be transformed by that mysterious and painful grace in the force called forgiveness."
--Scot McKnight, Northern Seminary

Product Reviews

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  1. MizKel
    5 Stars Out Of 5
    I'm Not Alone!!
    August 15, 2014
    MizKel
    Quality: 5
    Value: 5
    Meets Expectations: 5
    Yes, it's time for another book review. But first, a confession.

    I did NOT want to read this book. I didn't even want to read the cover. I did NOT want to forgive the people in my life who have hurt me. Probably not unlike a lot of other people, I wanted to hold their errors over their heads and punish them for as long as I could for the pain they caused me.

    Why should I forgive someone who had so much disrespect for me that they hurt me the way they did? How COULD I forgive?

    I once heard someone say, and I paraphrase, VERY loosely, that punishing someone by not forgiving them is like drinking poison and waiting for them to die. Okay.. I told you.. it was a VERY loose paraphrase. I'm way off, but you get the gist of it, I'm sure.

    This was one of those books that God kind of hit me in the face with. It was one of those "If you want to move forward, you HAVE to do this", type of things.

    In candor, I admit to you that I'm very glad that I heeded the 'nagging' of the Spirit that stirred me to reading this book.

    From the first page of the Introduction, I KNEW that I wasn't alone. I KNEW that I wasn't the only person who had those idiosyncrasies. those silent wishes for revenge.. those justifications for my moods and attitudes. I knew that this was a book I HAD to read.

    From the beginning of this emotional book, Leslie held my hand and walked me through her very personal journey; sharing fond and not so fond memories of her life with me. She shared her fears, her sadness, and her anger. Her transparency was refreshing and it made it difficult for me to put the book down.

    I would have stormed right through the book, but the participation questions at the end of the chapters made me put the book on 'pause', if you will, every now and again. They were thought provoking questions that got me in touch with myself. Some of them were real questions.. and they all made me take a good, long, hard look at myself in a totally different light.

    I recognized myself on almost every single page of this book. I've heard it before. I know you've heard it before... but forgiveness isn't necessarily about the freedom of the person we're forgiving; it's about OUR freedom.

    God knew, when He put this book in front of me. He know I couldn't carry the weight of unwillingness to forgive anymore. This book enlightened me. It guided me. It helped me. It showed me that I am not alone.. that I will never be alone.. that it's okay to be hurt and not want to forgive, but even more okay to take that step of faith and 'just do it'.

    I recommend the gift of this book to anyone who has a hard time forgiving others.. or even themselves. I know that reading the book was only the first part of my 'Journey of Forgiveness'.... now comes the hard part.... walking the walk.

    Well... onward and upward.. to FREEDOM and FORGIVING!!!
  2. Cliffymania
    Michigan
    Age: 35-44
    Gender: male
    4 Stars Out Of 5
    Forgiving to move forward
    June 13, 2014
    Cliffymania
    Michigan
    Age: 35-44
    Gender: male
    Quality: 5
    Value: 5
    Meets Expectations: 4
    If you're a parent you know how hard parenting is, right?

    As a parent you probably wish your kids would cut you some slack, right?

    Then why is it that we hang on to the hurts done to us by our parents?

    Why does this book exist?

    The quote on the back cover probably says it all, "If our families are to flourish, we will need to learn and practice ways of forgiving those who have had the greatest impact upon us: our mothers and fathers." The author even asks the question, "Do we need another book on forgiveness?" Frankly, given our sinful nature, books on forgiveness should probably be written regularly.

    What's it all about?

    In this case, Fields, and Dr. Jill Hubbard, have a specific purpose in mind; to take you, chapter by chapter, through your greatest pain to a place of healing and freedom. Each of the stories presented are personal and raw, and the advice given is not perfunctory, or pat.

    There is a definite progression in the book; carrying you, I would say, piece by piece, memory by memory, through your past and things that may, or may not, have been your experience. Each chapter essentially asking the question, "How can I forgive my parents when they did {fill in the blank} to me?"

    The authors don't shy away from the pain and turmoil caused by some parents, but at the same time, one of the things I found most fascinating about the book is when they ask you to see it from their point of view. What did your parents go through? How did their parents treat them such that they now treat you this way? They do not absolve parents of their responsibility, but simply try get you to understand that the problems often run deeper than we think. In the end we have to realize that we are just as in need of forgiveness as our parents.

    The chapters have three parts; personal stories from a variety of people, a follow up from Dr. Hubbard discussing the psychological and spiritual aspects of the story, and study questions.

    The questions take you through the chapter and the Bible. They range from the standard, "how did this chapter make you feel about [x]?" to some more pointed questions to get you to think outside yourself.

    Some things to watch out for

    While the stories may not always pertain to you don't gloss over them. There may be something there for you to watch out for in your own life raising your children.

    My only complaint about the book are some of the questions that put you in the Bible. For example, in chapter one a reference is made to Jonah and the follow up question is, "What does your ‘belly of a whale' look like?" I think this honestly makes light of Jonah. Not that one tragedy outweighs another, but these comparisons seem silly to me. I believe this can sometimes lead to us allegorizing the Bible instead of taking it at face value and it can cause us to think the Bible is about us instead of about God. However, I don't think this detracts from the value of this book, it's just something to keep in mind while reading it.

    The Wrap Up

    Fields and Hubbard accomplish what they set out to do; lead us toward forgiveness by dealing with our issues head on. Since I'm pretty certain all of us have had parents at one time, or another, this book is worth the read for everyone. Likewise, the closing words of the book are good words for us all to remember.

    "Regardless of our offenders willingness to enter a process of healing, we must move forward, with or without them. following God's call to forgiveness is something we do, because we know it is right and good for us - and right and good for the world beyond us."

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
  3. Margie
    New Hampshire
    Age: 55-65
    Gender: female
    5 Stars Out Of 5
    A very healing book!
    May 21, 2014
    Margie
    New Hampshire
    Age: 55-65
    Gender: female
    Quality: 5
    Value: 5
    Meets Expectations: 5
    I have read several of Leslie Leyland Field's books and have never been disappointed. Her books are always honest and open as she shares the most difficult aspects of her life. In this book, Leslie tells of her own personal experience of going down the path that leads to forgiveness. She also shares with compassion, several touching stories of people who have struggled with the hurt, pain and anger felt due to the abuse or neglect of a parent. She shares insight from the Bible which helped her and others on their journey to forgiveness and healing.

    Leslie's books are written in an intelligent, knowledgeable manner with captivating prose which is descriptive, setting the scene well, but doesn't get bogged down with too many details. She puts her heart and soul into her books. In this book she tells of how, with God's leading she was able to forgive her parent. She shows how forgiveness can heal a heart broken from the hurt and pain of an abusive relationship. Never in this book are we asked to forget or excuse an abusers actions. The reader is encouraged, for their own happiness and healing, to walk down the path to forgiveness and to a renewed hope for the future.

    At the end of each chapter, we're given a summary by Dr. Jill Hubbard. She also shares her story of forgiveness as well as providing study questions to help the reader assess for themselves and apply what they have read to their own situation. We are reminded of our humanness and without negating the abuser's actions, are given insight into why some people abuse others. She helps us to understand the psychology and cycle of abuse. I found this section to be a very helpful addition to the book.

    I would gladly recommend this book to others. It can be a stepping stone to recovery from the hurt and pain of abuse or neglect. Although it's written with a Christian perspective, it's just as applicable for anyone searching for help and answers.

    I would also recommend , "Surviving the Island of Grace," by Leslie Leyland Fields. It's a beautifully written memoir of how she left a small town in New England as a young bride to endure the wilds of Alaska, and gives more insight into Leslie's story. You can't read one without the other!
  4. Janet
    Columbus, GA
    Gender: female
    5 Stars Out Of 5
    For Freedom from Hurt and Hate
    May 5, 2014
    Janet
    Columbus, GA
    Gender: female
    Quality: 5
    Value: 5
    Meets Expectations: 5
    I chose to read "Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers" by Leslie Leyland Fields because I loved her other book: "Parenting Is Your Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt." I like her approach, the way she brings Bible stories to life in order to help us accurately apply their truths to our lives. I was curious to see what insights she had to share about forgiving others. I found great value in what she had to say. And, though she's specifically writing about forgiving parents who've hurt or neglected their children, her wisdom is applicable to any relationship requiring forgiveness: grandparents, children, siblings, friends.

    Along with Bible stories (which include Jonah, The Good Samaritan, The Prodigal Son, and Joseph), Fields shares her own journey toward forgiving her neglectful father and the experiences of other people she's met along the way. Some learned to forgive and grew through it; others refused to forgive and suffered for that choice. Fields gently helps readers understand why. Each chapter of the book closes with an afterword by Dr. Jill Hubbard who adds her thoughts to Fields's. Study questions help readers dig more deeply into both the text and God's Word.

    On page 189, Fields says, "We began this journey to ease our burdens, to set ourselves free, yet along the way we discovered even greater freedoms: the freedom to love the unlovely, to risk hurt and betrayal by others, and to forgive, seventy times seven . . . Forgiveness, in its fullest state, leads us to love . . .The more we forgive, the less offense we take from others, the less we need to forgive. We become people of peace." If holding a grudge is keeping you from this, I recommend you read this book. I received a complimentary copy in exchange for this honest review.
  5. lorealle
    pa
    Age: 35-44
    Gender: female
    5 Stars Out Of 5
    An Amazing Book!!
    April 25, 2014
    lorealle
    pa
    Age: 35-44
    Gender: female
    Quality: 5
    Value: 5
    Meets Expectations: 5
    Want to know what I'm an expert at? Holding at grudge. Yep, it's true. It's not something I'm proud of. Forgiveness is something we all struggle with.

    This book takes you on a journey of forgiveness. It does an excellent job of connecting with someone whose parents have blown it. And let's face it, we've all blown it at one point or another as parents. This book shows readers how to process the pain through a scriptural filter and releases them into the freedom of their future made possible by God's grace in Christ.

    There are children that went through terrible horrors at the hands of their parents. I've always wondered how the commandment "Honor Thy Mother and Father" fit into the lives of such children. How could they honor people that did not honor them? The author uses biblical characters to help explain the process of forgiving. The author draws you into each chapter with reflective questions at the end. I can easily see this book for those who have a difficult time forgiving Aunts, friends, Uncles, Brother and Sisters. I could see this book being used in a healing ministry discussion group. Overall, this book was very good at teaching how to forgive and I recommend anyone who has experienced hurt to read it.

    This book was provided to me free of charge by Book Look in return for my honest review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
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