Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage: How Healthy   Conflict Can Take You to Deeper Levels of Intimacy  -     By: Dr. Greg Smalley
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Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage: How Healthy Conflict Can Take You to Deeper Levels of Intimacy

Howard Books / 2012 / Hardcover

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Product Description

In Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage, Dr. Greg Smalley asserts that conflict is frequently driven by fear, not the immediate issues at hand. We all have hot button issues, that when pushed, set off an immediate knee-jerk emotional response. Dr. Smalley has included a chart in his book with common reactions and explain what they mean. He has devised a powerful five-step communication process for healthy conflict call the L.U.V.E. talk method. It stands for Listen, Understand, Validate, Empathize, and Apologize.

Product Information

Format: Hardcover
Number of Pages: 245
Vendor: Howard Books
Publication Date: 2012
Dimensions: 9.00 X 6.00 (inches)
ISBN: 1416544836
ISBN-13: 9781416544838
Availability: In Stock

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Publisher's Description

In this counterintuitive book, author Dr. Greg Smalley maintains that fighting is actually good for a marriage. When couples fight, they have the opportunity to get to the real issue lurking below the surface about money, sex, in-laws, kids, etc. And that real issue, Dr. Smalley says, is fear—fear of rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness, to name a few. What assuages these fears are things like intimacy, respect, validation, love, and connection. Learning to take advantage of the opportunity that conflict provides is what this book is all about.

The good news of Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage is that conflict—when handled correctly—is the doorway to intimacy and under-standing. As Dr. Smalley leads readers through the many faces of conflict, he is open and candid about his own marriage and the unproductive fights he and his wife have had. He uses his fears and emotional triggers as examples to help read-ers discover their own. Couples will learn how to fight their way to a better marriage, using the skills, concepts, and exercises shared in this remarkable book.

***

 Typical marriage fights = money, sex, in-laws, and kids. But what if fights could = trust, respect, intimacy, and understanding?

WHAT IF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE COULD BE A GOOD THING?

The truth is that marriages and spouses can’t grow without conflict. Some of the many values of conflict include:

* An opportunity to break old, ineffective patterns

* A way to guard against being too comfortable or too complacent, which breeds mediocrity and boredom

* Insight into your own personal issues

* A window for viewing each other’s deepest feelings and needs

* Reduction of tension as emotions are vented and stress is released

* Greater trust and intimacy after pushing through difficult and heated conversations

* Higher levels of marital satisfaction every time you manage the conflict well

* The sole reason we have the amazing experience of makeup sex

Author Bio

Dr. Greg Smalley serves as Executive Director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family. Prior to joining Focus, Smalley worked for the Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University and as president of the National Institute of Marriage. He is the author of eleven books, including The DNA of Relationships, The DNA of Parent and Teen Relationships, and The Wholehearted Marriage. Greg lives in Colorado with his wife Erin and their four children.

Product Reviews

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  1. Age: 45-54
    Gender: female
    2 Stars Out Of 5
    some good nuggets, but old material (some stolen)
    May 2, 2013
    Kristin G
    Age: 45-54
    Gender: female
    Quality: 2
    Value: 2
    Meets Expectations: 3
    I've appreciated Dr. Gary Smalley's contributions over the years to the improvement of marriages in this country, so I've always been interested in what his sons are doing in the same field. Anyone following the material recognizes by now that Greg is not exactly in the same league as his father, but it's always interesting to check in once in a while. Unfortunately, in Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage, Greg Smalley simply recycles quite a lot of material that we've all seen before. I did enjoy the discussion on pushing our spouse's hot "buttons," although that's been done before, too, even by Dr. Gary.

    Probably the thing that hurts this book the most is Greg's ongoing habit of borrowing "cute" anecdotes from other sources, things we've all seen before. It veers into outright plagiarism of a couple older stories and Internet jokes. It's a shame to see a respected name in marriage counseling tarnished by these fibs. He didn't even change the wording!

    I hope, in the future, Focus on the Family respects its audience a bit more and reigns in Smalley's tendency to fabricate and steal. He seems to be a nice guy who could really help a lot of people, but it's hard to trust him.
  2. Victorville, CA
    Age: 45-54
    Gender: female
    4 Stars Out Of 5
    Making Conflict in Marriage a Great Thing!!!
    November 4, 2012
    Heart2Heart
    Victorville, CA
    Age: 45-54
    Gender: female
    Quality: 4
    Value: 4
    Meets Expectations: 4
    For those of us that have been married for any length of time, we are bound to come to an impasse of sorts. Call it a disagreement, a conflict, an argument or even a fight, but they are bound to happen. No one can simply agree on everything all the time. Even those in personal relationships can nod their heads yes, that this is simply a part of a relationship. However in marriage those issues are likely about, money, sex, in-laws, and kids. But what if instead they could simply be about trust, respect, intimacy and understanding? Is it possible that conflict in a marriage could be a good thing? I think the answer is YES!!! I personally believe that unless you have conflict, you can't grow.

    In the book, Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage, Dr. Greg Smalley, author and Executive Director of Marriage at Focus on The Family, takes a deep look into how these conflicts within our marriages can lead us to deeper intimacy in our relationships. He takes readers into his own struggles in his marriage and shows us how some of those fights didn't produce the desired results and how he has subsequently learned from them in an effort to show us how we can grow from our own situations. The book illustrates the following areas I am sure you can relate to:

    Breaking old ineffective patterns

    Ways to guard against being too comfortable or too complacent, which breeds mediocrity and boredom.

    Reduction of tension as emotions are vented and stress is released.

    Higher levels of marital satisfaction every time you manage conflict well.

    Dr. Greg Smalley show cases just how we are programmed to react when someone or something pushes our buttons and how we can change how we have always reacted to those times. Maybe it's one of these situations:

    The drive-through line is too long at your favorite coffee place or fast-food restaurant.

    You wake up to dirty dishes in the sink (One of mine).

    Your favorite TV show or game didn't record.

    There's a long wait at the doctor's office.

    Someone cuts in line.

    Your child tracks mud or spills something on your clean floor.

    A driver tailgates.

    Feeling a little stressed? Perhaps you can even add a few items to this list. Dr. Greg Smalley shows us how we can often times store that up and unfortunately release this irritants on our spouse when they had no control over them, what I like to refer to as a silent, ticking time bomb, just waiting for the right light to our fuse. The best part about this book is we can change how we react to things and work towards making things better in our relationships. The road is never easy but the results are well worth it in the end.

    I received Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage compliments of Howard Books, a division of Simon and Schuster Publishers for my honest review. I am always looking for ways to improve and make my own personal marriage better and some of the ideas, Dr. Smalley shares is bound to hit home for some of you. You begin to see ways to improve things on your own end, instead of simply handing the book to your spouse telling them they desperately need to read this. We all need to be personally responsible for dealing with our own issues in marriage and working together I think, we can all grow and have the marriage we have always imagined if were are willing to try. I rate this one a 4 out of 5 stars.
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