Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
re: "ceedav" : man who is now abused
I suggest that the abused woman who married this man "ceedav" has become an abuser...so don't be too hard on him, folks.
He needs to read the book and explain to the woman that after so many years as an abused woman she has now also become an abuser...it does happen!
I feel sorry for him and realize why he says he finds the book a problem...but it isn't the book, it's the fact that he has married an abusive woman...May he find peace and help from this statement
July 9, 2013
Lundy is an awesome person!
Very helpful in identifying the problem, enabled me to get safely out of an abusive and life-threatening relationship.
God Bless Lundy Bancroft
May 22, 2013
Every woman in the world should read this.
I have read the other reviews posted and I am troubled by the ones that are negative.
When I first started reading this book, I was rather put off by the author's frequency of referring to himself as an expert. By the time I got to the second part of this book, I understood why he felt the need to do that. It is very difficult to call abuse what it is. It is EXTREMELY difficult to put the "abused" label on the way one has lived for 40 years of their life. What the author reports as being abuse was what I had accepted as "normal" male behavior. It was very easy to say to myself "But all guys do that." By the end of the book I was able to see that no, all guys don't do that. This book helped change my life. I now see that all men do not act that way. Not all men are manipulative. Not all men are untrustworthy. Not all men are emotionally destructive. I had accepted some of the lies that abusive men had told me about my character as truth. I believed that God saw me that way as well. I have been able to look at examples of how I have been treated and realize that it really was abuse. How I was treated was not my fault. I was treated poorly not because I am unloveable or stupid, but because I was involved with abusive men. I have also seen some of those patterns of abuse acted out by my adult sons and accepted by my adult daughter from her husband. I have been able to bring those behaviors to their attention and show them how the abuse they witnessed towards me, and the abuse they received as children, affected how they relate to other people as well. All of them have responded favorably to instruction. There is hope.
The only thing that I really did not like were the "bad words". Some of them were really raunchy. I have heard all of them directed at me though, so I guess the printed use of examples also serves a purpose.
By the way, my ex-husband is also a born again Christian. Only one of my children will go anywhere near a church- because of his example of what a "Christian" is.
Of special interest is the fact that my ex-husband said to me "At least I didn't beat you." I didn't tell him that is a direct quote out of the book. An example of what verbal/emotional abusers say to make a woman believe that how he treats her is not abuse. I guess I am supposed to feel lucky that he only left my heart and soul a bloody, battered mess.
June 14, 2012
If you want to have no hope, read this book!
Author admits that his methods rarely work. Most of the men he works with are there under court order for anger management. For sake of time and space, I ditto the other 1 star ratings. One of the worst books I have ever read.
April 5, 2012