It's no surprise - men and women have radically different priorities. Describing the ten most important needs of men and women, Dr. Harley teaches you how to "affair-proof" your marriage. Learn how to sustain romance, increase intimacy, and deepen your awareness year after year. This 15th anniversary edition features a new preface, plus personal questionnaires and inventories.
Average Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars(3.5 out of 5 stars)
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0.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Ashlee S. (North East, Maryland), January 26, 2010
This was the one book that my husband actually read with me in the early years of our marriage. It was pure deception..for me to try to be that perfect wife described in that book only to have to suffer my husband having two affairs within our first 10 years. "Affair proof your marriage"...yeah right! The topics covered in this book are shallow and even in meeting those needs, things in life damage us long before marriage that contribute to unfaithfulness.This book was very troubling to me and made me feel as if all men are as shallow as the man who wrote it. My husband agreed and he felt dishonored as a man to have such generalizations of a man's needs dictated. To affair proof a marriage, it takes not one working to keep their spouse as this book indicates, but for one's self to determine that they are dedicated to the other for life. This book manipulates couples into thinking that they are to blame if a spouse is unfaithful. This is the only book I've ever owned that I found worthless and actually threw in the trash. Any time my husband saw it he'd ask why it was still around. It gave me a false security that I was safe, when in fact all it did was validate my perfectionistic tendancies and spirit of control.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Paresh (Fort Worth, Tx), October 19, 2009
MARRIAGE IS TOUGH!!! You want to love and cherish your spouse, but their behavior at times makes you unhappy and want to pull your hair out. THIS BOOK IS AWESOME!!! It has done wonders for my relationship with my wife, and I highly recommend it to my friends all the time. The author shows 5 needs that are common for men and 5 needs that are common for women.
I found the book helpful because it reinforced in my mind the areas my wife had let me down in our relationship. It showed me it was ok and normal to be upset and angered by the way I had been treated at times by her. It also showed that it is common to think you married the wrong person and want to leave your wife. Logically, it validated how I was feeling inside. The strength of this book is it also shows what a wife needs. This book showed me I had done a poor job of meeting some of the needs she had and challenged me to do a better job meeting my wife's needs. When I adjusted my behavior to meet my wife's needs, she did a better job of meeting my needs, and our relationship is stronger for it. The other thing I learned from this book was to constantly be courting my wife. This is the woman God intended for me to marry, and I want to honor Him and her by being faithful to my marriage vows. When I see her and treat her in the manner I did when we were dating, she feels more loved and appreciated and is able to meet my expectations of her alot better. IF YOU WANT A HAPPIER MARRIAGE, READ THIS BOOK.
0 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Cheryl (Akron, OH), October 12, 2009
I am appalled! I'm trying to put my marriage back together and this book is says that the husband will always be pulled toward the other woman! God will determine our future, not this worthless book. Burn it.
0 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Jasmine (Milwaukee, WI), July 17, 2009
I bought myself a copy of this book, because I'd often seen it recommended on many Christian marriage book lists and truth told, I actually begged my husband to throw it away.
Both he and I equally agree that the book hands out outdated and stereotypical advice that concludes that the way to "affair-proof" your marriage is to assure you are a slave to the desires and whims of your spouse, whether or not those desires are realistic and fitting within a Christ-based life. Because if for one moment, you don't look, act, or speak exactly as your spouse desired, they are more or less justified in having an affair.
This book doesn't take into account any sense of individuality in people - men or women, and assumes that each person has the exact same and equal desires for their emotional needs. A far better book is the Five Love Languages, that explains the individual aspect of "love" and that what speaks volumes to one individual, might not be on another's top needs list at all. Combined with Love and Respect that explains the more gendered nature of love and emotional needs.
All reading this book will do for a young, newly married couple is fulfill all of their worst fears. And considering that there is not -one- verse of Scripture in this -entire- book to back or support -any- of the author's claims, I'm curious how its used as a pre-marriage counseling book in churches.
I'm guessing that actually following Biblical advice on marriage would prove just the opposite of this book, an uncomfortalbe notion, even for many Christians, who might learn, that ultimately -they- are responsible for their behavior, not the actions or lack of actions/behaviors of their spouse.
4 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Jennifer Kern (Rochester, NY), February 19, 2009
This was an excellent book that outlined the differences in the needs of men and women. I strongly encourage couples to read it together, it is imperative that husbands and wives learn the needs of each other.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Monica Keegan (Shirley, NY), January 30, 2009
A must read for every couple! Whether a new or old relationship, struggling or not every couples will benefit from his sincerity, experience and honesty. Pastors and marriage counselors need this one as well. This man knows what he's talking about and pulls no punches!!! Like I said, A MUST READ
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Janice V. Williams (St. Thomas, VI), January 20, 2009
This is a great book that I would recommend for each person who is planning to be married or is married. Here the specific needs of men and women are
shown. If these ideas are taken seriously they will go a long way to improve marriage.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Joy Hodges (Morristown, TN), November 30, 2008
We bought His Needs/Her Needs at the beginning of our marriage. We attribute this book to much of the success and happiness we have had the past 14 years. We recommend it for all married couples.
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