Psychologist Larry Crabb cuts to the heart of the biblical view of marriage: the "one-flesh" relationship. He argues convincingly that the deepest needs of human personality--security and significance--ultimately cannot be satisfied by a marriage partner. We need to turn to the Lord, rather than our spouse, to satisfy our needs. This frees both partners for "soul oneness," a commitment to minister to our spouse's needs rather than manipulating them to meet our own needs. With "soul oneness" comes renewed "body oneness," where couples enjoy sexual pleasure as an expression and outgrowth of a personal relationship.
The Marriage Builder also identifies three building blocks essential to constructing marriage: the grace of God, true marriage commitment, and acceptance of one's mate.
Now for the first time, discussion questions have been added to aid couples who want to come to deeper understanding of marriage. Helpful to counselors and laypersons alike, The Marriage Builder is for anyone who longs to transform marriage from trial to triumph.
An all-new discussion guide for couples has been added to this classic best-seller to allow readers to dig into it and apply it to their own lives and marriages.
Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars(4.5 out of 5 stars)
8 of 8 Reviews Showing:
4.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Rickie Carroll (Medellin,), June 05, 2009
This is probably one of the soundest presentations of what marriage consists. It deals nicely with the reality of oneness at the three levels of our being (Spirit, soul and body). But Dr. Crabb does not try to give simplified answers nor standardized solutions to marital problems. He does seek to lead people into deeper relationship with Christ.
I have recommended this book more than any other to couples who seek to build and strengthen their marriages.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Pat Wright (Lorton, VA), February 11, 2008
Probably the best Christian Guidance on marriage I have read. I have read at least 12. Larry Crabb's books are always excellent. I have read at least 5 of his books.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Jantina Buter (Christchurch 8021,), November 07, 2007
There are many "marriage help" books but for my husband and I this might as well be the only one. The book does exactly what is says in the description. It makes you look to God to provide all your needs, except you spouse and renews your marriage relation.
We found the questions extremely helpful in discoveing where we have gone of the right trail but they are a lot of work. We realize that without the hard work we can't undo what we've build up as habbits over all the years (even from before our marriage) and it takes hard work to learn to respond in a Godly way, today and in two months as well. With highest recommendation. Jantina Buter
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Dr. Robert W. Kellemen (Taneytown, MD), September 14, 2005
The Marriage Builder highlights three relational areas: the couple's spiritual relationship to God, their social/soul relationship to one another, and their physical relationship to each other. When dealt with properly, and in priority order, Crabb asserts that relationships will be healthy (not necessarily happy, since that is not God's goal nor guarantee for life this side of heaven).
Discussing the spiritual relationship, Crabb explains that when God cleanses sin through salvation, His grace simultaneous quenches the deepest thirsts in the human soul. Rather than beings some new-age mantra as some claim when they critique Crabb, the concept of longings, desires, thirsts, and hunger is both biblical and historical (church history). The Trinitarian God of the Bible created humanity in His relational image. Since human beings are finite, they will always long for the infinite--for God's infinite holy love.
Once a husband and wife come to understand that all they need is God and what He chooses to provide, Crabb notes that then they can quit the old "tic on a dog" relationship of mutual manipulation. Instead, they can begin a relationship of mutual ministry. In this area, Crabb explores God's essential design for the masculine and feminine soul. He posits that males have a deep social longing for respect, which coincides with Paul's teaching in Ephesians 5. Crabb also explains that females have a deep social longing for intimacy, also correlating with Paul's teaching in Ephesians 5.
As couples learn to drink fully from the God of the universe and to serve one another tastes of respect and intimacy, they are prepared to experience body oneness. One in their walk with God, one in their relationship with each other, now they move toward physical oneness.
Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of "Soul Physicians," "Spiritual Friends," and the forthcoming, "Beyond the Suffering: The Story of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction."
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Eileen (South Lyon, MI), December 26, 2004
This is the BEST book on marriage that I have ever read. In describing it to a friend, I told her it should be subtitled, "Wake up, Christian!". This is the most scripturally sound book on marriage that I've found. I would recommend it to every married person, especially those who are struggling.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by SueBee (College Park, MD), February 03, 2004
This is an excellent book to remind us that we cannot look to fallen man/woman (husband/wife) to meet our needs. Our security and significance comes from Christ. Dr. Crabb keeps the reader focused on a Biblical understanding of marriage and recognizing our own falleness. I am sorry that "Discerning Reader" wasn't able to get beyond a paragraph or so in the second chapter to get the most out of the rest of the book.
2 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Discerning Reader (Southern CA), May 15, 2003
I was disappointed with this book. Dr. Crabb states that a man's greatest need is significance and a woman's greatest need is security. My understanding of the Bible is that the single greatest need for both men and women is salvation and sanctification. Not only is the assessment of man's need wrong, he says that this must be dealt with BEFORE Biblical principles can be applied. A better approach would be to apply biblical principles to the lives of men and women and allow the Holy Spirit to work in them so that they will find their security and significance in Christ alone.
5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by Lynne (Lincoln City, OR), January 08, 2002
This book is THE best book on marriage that has been written (apart from the Bible). The lessons on communication are especially effective and applicable in varying degrees to ALL personal relationships! I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to improve his or her understanding of Christ-centered marriage.
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