When Sinners Say I Do: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage

Marriage is the union of two people who arrive at the altar toting some surprisingly large luggage. Often it gets opened right there on the honeymoon, sometimes it waits for the week after. The Bible calls it sin and understanding its influence can make all the difference for a man and woman who are building a life together. When Sinners Say "I Do" is about encountering the life-transforming power of the gospel in the unpredictable journey of marriage.

Dave's writing style embraces the reader as he speaks honestly, and sometimes humorously, about sin and the power of the gospel to overcome it. He opens the delightful truth of God's word and encourages the reader to see more clearly the glorious picture of what God does when sinners say "I do".

"Dave Harvey skillfully exposes the real root of most marriage problems – each spouse is still a sinner. But he doesn’t leave us to wallow in our sin. He shows the way out through the ongoing power of the gospel. This book will be helpful for any married couple whether they’ve been married five weeks or fifty years."
— Jerry Bridges, author of The Pursuit of Holiness

"This is a wonderful book. It is honest, refreshing, practical, and above all biblical. These carefully written pages spill over with truth and grace. This book is liberating, Christ-centered and hope-filled, pointing the way to God-empowered marriage."
— Randy Alcorn, author of Heaven

"Dave Harvey not only offers a biblical diagnosis of marital strife, but prescribes the cure as well - the gospel. When Sinners Say "I Do" provides clarity in conflict, hope in despair, and points the way to a joy-filled, God glorifying marriage."
— C.J. Mahaney, author of Humility

Marriage is an adventure. It begins with "I Do!" and intensifies with the passing of each year. But early in every couple's story, hearts become exposed and the turf war begins. Problems emerge, tempers erupt, communication declines and conflict moves into the house. Identifying the real reason why these difficulties exist is the beginning of hope and change. In his new book, When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage, author and pastor Dave Harvey looks squarely into the reality of marriage—that it is two sinners uniting and the result is a clash of desires. He encourages couples to do what they don't want to do so they can enjoy what they long to experience.

Many marriage books have great tips on how to rekindle romance or simple steps to happier marriage. However, these often tend to address the symptoms of marital trouble while neglecting the real problem. "The cause of our marriage battles is neither our marriage nor our spouse." Harvey says. "It's the sin in our hearts entirely, totally, exclusively, without exception. This is taught clearly and consistently in Scripture, from the first sin to the final judgment." When Sinners Say "I Do," however, does not bemoan the problem but clearly exults in the solution—the gospel! Harvey quickly points out that the gospel is greater than our sin and applying it inspires hope and begins the exciting process of change.

Harvey believes that a right understanding of our own sin is the necessary first step to happiness in marriage. Avoiding the psychological discussions that fill the pages of popular needs based resources, he instead encourages readers to understand how the cross can transform our conflicts, our weakness, yes, even our sex lives. "God wants Christians to delight in marriage. And He has made provision in the gospel to do so. But we can't truly understand the gospel, or even the basic problems of every marriage, until we come to terms with the undeniable reality of sin. Men and women (and me!) find real hope and help when we realize that God uses marriage to reveal the heart and change the soul. This discovery process is an adventure that lasts until death do us part."

According to Harvey, God's grace can revolutionize Christian marriages. In this book readers discover that grace is sufficient to train us and transform us. "Grace excavates all the way down to our core desires and re-directs them to God," he writes. "What we want in life actually changes. Grace renovates us and never quits." When Sinners Say "I Do" highlights the stubborn grace available for couples to bring help and change.

As a graduate of the doctoral program at Westminster Theological Seminary, Harvey's combination of biblical truth and humorous vignettes from his own 25-year marriage produces a book that is as enjoyable as it is provoking. His treatment of this complicated topic leads to a hopeful conclusion. "Until we understand the problem, we will not be able to delight in the solution. When the sin we bring to marriage becomes real to us, then the gospel becomes vital and marriage becomes sweet."

Do we really need another book on marriage? Yes, if it’s the book When Sinners Say “I Do” by Dave Harvey (senior pastor of Covenant Fellowship Church, Glen Mills, PA). Most of the marriage books written in recent years, even the Christian ones, focus on felt needs, self-esteem and other psychological hot buttons. Harvey has refreshingly given us a great handbook for defeating the number one enemy of marriages - sin.

“Sin” as a subject matter in relation to marriage automatically sounds like a downer. Nothing could be further from the truth and this book reminds us of that biblical truth. Harvey has set out to construct a thoroughly biblical approach of applying the Gospel – the Good News – to the bad news of sin and its destructive power in marriages. The result? An engaging, practical guide for any marriage.

I highly recommend When Sinners Say “I Do.” This book will be a great resource both in marriage prep and in marriage health. If you are looking for a book that avoids the “fluff” of so many similar books, yet one that is grounded not only in sound doctrine but in the reality of daily life, this book is for you. My only question: when will the study guide be available? -- Todd Burgett, Christian Book Previews.com

Average Rating:

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Reviewed by Mary Ray (Montgomery, NY), March 16, 2009

This book will benefit all who read it whether married or not. It is a very good study for a home group. The study guide has something for the person, the couple and the group. Please read it! You will be blessed!

Reviewed by Rev. Doyle Peyton (Bellville, Ohio), July 21, 2007

The author gives this advice on your honeymoon. Say to your spouse "I am a great sinner and I am with you for life." This book is a practical study of the nature of sin in our lives.The greatest obstacle in our marriages is the sin in our own hearts. This book would be excellent for marital classes, Sunday School, or small groups. It's a biblical antidote to the "He said..she said.." cultural trend we see in our Christian culture today. It's good theology.

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