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Frustrated over your stalled marriage? Tired of enduring a less-than-satisfying relationship with your husband? Paul and Sandy Coughlin understand the life you're leading, because once Paul was a Christian Nice Guy husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife. They'll help you understand the forces that make men passive, how to handle issues of anger, respect, and resentment, and learn practical ways to nurture intimacy.
Format: Hardcover
Number of Pages: 208
Vendor: Bethany
Publication Date: 2006
| Dimensions: 8.38 X 5.5 (inches)
ISBN: 0764202413
ISBN-13: 9780764202414
Availability: In Stock
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Reconnect With Your Emotionally Checked-Out Husband
Frustrated over your stalled marriage? Tired of enduring a less-than-satisfying relationship with your husband? Feeling anger or guilt about wanting more from your passive "nice guy"?
Paul and Sandy Coughlin understand the life you're leading, because once Paul was a Christian Nice Guy husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife. Their freeing message will help you understand the inner life of your emotionally detached husband as well as what you can do--and shouldn’t do--to create a more satisfying relationship. They'll help you understand the forces that make men passive, how to handle issues of anger, respect, and resentment, and learn practical ways to nurture intimacy.
Married…But Not Engaged informs, instructs, encourages, and inspires as it shows how you and your husband can draw closer together.
Hope and Help for Frustrated Wives With Emotionally Checked-Out Husbands
by Paul and Sandy Coughlin
Minneapolis, MN — Paul Coughlin, author of the popular No More
Christian Nice Guy, has teamed up with his wife, Sandy, to confront
the false shame and guilt women feel over their inability to connect
with their emotionally-absent husbands. Paul and Sandy Coughlin
understand this common problem, because once Paul was a
"Christian Nice Guy" husband and Sandy was his frustrated wife.
Standing apart from the many "how-to" marriage books,
Married...But Not Engaged deals with the issue of passive, avoidant
men on several different levels. The Coughlins, who have been
married 15 years, help wives understand the underlying forces that
make men passive by looking at the inner lives of their emotionally
absent men.
Yet the road to healing does not end there. The Coughlins take it even deeper, laying out and showing practical ways wives can help their husband become the man he wants to be. These include:
Giving her husband room to grow and make mistakes.
Helping her husband understand what fear is doing to his life, but without comparing him to other men.
Coming to understand and respond appropriately to her checked-out husband, such as never shaming him for being passive and fearful.
The Coughlins also encourage wives to foster an atmosphere of intimacy and respect by modeling empathy (which they call a wife’s "secret weapon"), honesty and assertiveness, and creating healthy boundaries. Always encouraging the wife to proceed with wisdom, grace, and love, Paul and Sandy Coughlin help couples heal and create the intimacy they desire in a biblical and loving way.
Paul Coughlin hosts a radio talk show in southern Oregon and is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy. Paul has been interviewed by C-SPAN, the New York Times, Moody’s Open Line, At Home Live, Today’s Issues and many other media outlets across the country.
His articles have appeared in Today’s Christian Woman, New Man, Faithworks, Ministries Today, and Crosswalk.com. A former Christian Nice Guy, Paul is a happily married father of three. The Coughlin family lives in Medford, Oregon. Visit christianniceguy.com.
Sandy Coughlin works from her home and is active in her local public schools, where she serves in multiple volunteer roles, including PTO advisor and special-projects coordinator. Sandy loves running, hosting parties, healthful cooking, ballroom dancing with her husband, and playing Scrabble.
A Word from the Author:
At its best, intimacy is a level of connected awareness in which two people lift each other up higher than they could go on their own. Much anger, and all the resentment and disrespect, hinder intimacy's growth, just as they stunt other qualities and virtues you want in your marriage. It's time to call a much needed and belated truce. - Paul Coughlin
After Paul Coughlin's book No More Christian Nice Guy became a strong-selling title, it was obvious a sequel would soon be forthcoming. It is, but this is written by Paul and his wife Sandy, called Married But Not Engaged. Much of what is found here is a summary of the previous book, in that it says that the CNG (Christian Nice Guy) gets bullied at work, fails to serve as a strong role model for his kids, never knows how to say no to work at church, and avoids conflict and arguments at all costs.
What makes this new book a step beyond, is that it points out that these wimpy CNGs are a pain to live with. Wives can never get a straight answer from them about budgets, sex, future plans, or personal needs, because these guys are radical introverts. They always think of Jesus as meek, mild, long suffering, and gracious, so they emulate those qualities only. (But, hey, wasn't he the fellow who upended the tables of the moneychangers...talked bluntly to the divorced woman at the well...did a face-off with Satan in the desert...and gutted out the crucifixion?) Often, the book explains, their behavior as adult men was shaped when they were incorrectly disciplined as a child, deserted by a parent, or were misinformed about the Bible's actual teachings.
Bringing these men out of their shells so that they will talk about their problems is not easy. However, Sandy suggests rubbing his shoulders and just saying, “Rough day at work?" and letting him take it from there. The Coughlins also provide a list of discussion starters that will get to core issues in a marriage without attacking the other spouse.
Profiles are provided of women who actually drive CNGs deeper into themselves rather than draw them out. Ultimately, these men sometimes have extramarital affairs, take up drinking, or do other harmful things as ways of coping. Matters only get worse, often ending in divorce.
This book is only 144 pages, and a third of it is review of the previous book by Paul Coughlin or else direct quotes from other writers. However, since there is not much else on the market that addresses ways of coping with withdrawn, non-assertive, moody Christian men, this book provides a starting point. – Dr. Dennis E. Hensley, Christian Book Previews.com
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