Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your  Husband DesiresCapture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires
Lysa TerKeurst
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A fulfilling marriage requires two people focusing on each other's needs before their own. This practical guide will open your eyes to the needs, desires and longings of your husband. Capture His Heart offers eight essential criteria-plus creative tips-for winning and holding your husband's heart. A Focus on the Family Recommendation.

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What the Heart of Your Man Wants You to Know

I was weary from a long weekend of traveling and speaking. I was nearing the end of my trip and happy to reach my home airport. Only another hour and I'd be home, but first I had to go through the dreaded shuttle bus fiasco. I don't understand why I have such bad luck making it back to my car when I return home from trips. I am what you might call directionally challenged. Either I can't find the right bus or I can't find my car after the right bus drops me off. Anyhow, this shuttle bus dilemma was the last thing standing in my way to my journey home.

I exited the airport and to my surprise, the shuttle bus for my parking lot was waiting outside. Usually I have to wait an unreasonable amount of time for the shuttle, but not tonight. I was thrilled. I hauled my luggage up the bus stairs and greeted the driver with a big smile.

"You seem glad to see me," the driver said with a chuckle.

"I am," I happily replied.

"Yep, I sure do love my job," he said with a big grin and a southern twang. "Where else could a sixty-year-old man work where women are tripping over themselves to have me pick them up?"

I smiled politely and looked out the window.

He continued, "Yeah, everyone is excited to see me pull up to the curb. That's why I like my job so much. People get on the bus and smile so big. They've just been waiting for me, and when I finally arrive they are happy I'm here. I've often thought I wished I had a video camera to tape people as they get on my bus with their smiling faces and glad-to-see-ya' comments. I'd love for my wife to see a tape like that. That's the way I've always wanted her to look when I come home from work."

His story caught me by surprise. Something so simple would make such a huge impact on this man's marriage, and I bet his wife had no idea. I wondered what desires my husband had that I'd missed out on fulfilling. As I got off the bus I smiled and thanked the driver. My appreciation was for more than the ride to my car; he'd helped me find my way—my way on a journey to understanding the heart of my man.

After surveying hundreds of men, I found that there are eight basic concepts that the heart of your man wants you to know. They are:

  1. Husbands need their wives to support them spiritually
  2. Husbands need their wives to encourage them emotionally
  3. Husbands need their wives to enjoy them sexually
  4. Husbands need their wives to appreciate them vocationally
  5. Husbands need their wives to engage them intellectually
  6. Husbands need their wives to connect with them relationally
  7. Husbands need their wives to affirm them physically
  8. Husbands need their wives to stand by them permanently

I'm far from being the perfect wife, and I don't have a simple step-by-step method for a fail-proof marriage. What I do offer is a glimpse inside the hearts and minds of men. I have learned so much from the honest responses of guys who long to have their wives understand and appreciate them for the masculine beings they are.

Most of all, I've learned that a man desires his heart to be captured by his "Beauty," his lover, his friend, his partner through thick and thin. He wants to think about the times she told him he has what it takes. He takes great pride in knowing he makes her feel safe. He reflects on whether or not she thinks he's a good provider. And he dreams of the time when she initiated a passionate encounter and longs for another like it.

Men are fascinating. God made them that way. But many women find them frustrating and hard to figure out. I encourage you to put your frustrations and disappointments aside and set out on a journey of understanding, acceptance, and love for the heart of your beloved husband.

Proverbs 2:10-12 says, "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse." That is my prayer for this book. I pray that wisdom will enter your heart and renew your commitment for your husband. I pray the knowledge will be pleasant to your soul and get your creativity flowing to make your marriage more special. I pray God will grant you discretion and understanding so you may be protected from the tragic statistics that plague the divine union of marriage.

Oh, and one more thing . . . I have to introduce you to Sabrina. She's a horrible woman who's been known to hold a grudge or two, accidentally on purpose oversalt her husband's eggs, and even to dump a glass of ice water on her husband's bed. She sometimes visits our home during "Princess Must Scream" (PMS) time. The bad thing is she looks just like me; in fact she is my alter ego—the Proverbs 31 woman in her not-so-finest hour. Throughout the book I'll share stories where I've succeeded in being a godly wife but I'll also share many of my failures. If my marriage could somehow make it through "Sabrina's" crazy antics, it gives hope that any marriage cannot only survive but truly thrive.

So won't you join me (and Sabrina) on this wild and wonderful adventure of better understanding our husbands as we seek to learn how to capture their hearts.

Relationship Builder—Find a unique way to tell your husband you love him today—make his coffee, warm his towel in the dryer, or as the quote below says: fluff his pillow.

Thought for the Day—It's the little things in life that make me happy—like when she fluffs my pillow before bed.—Don [West Frankfort]

Excerpted from:
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst, copyright 2002. Used by permission of Moody Publishers. All rights reserved.